I'm troubleshooting my ongoing failures in sustained, romantic relationships. My social cognition is impaired, and so too is the social cognition of autistic people. With some googling about feelings of inadequacy and asperges, I found a book that documents feelings of inadequacy in asperger's men as they relate to relationships with women that proposes one conditional stimuli (women 'performing' (better in relationships) than them) to explain this phenomenon:

Men (with asperg syndrome)...may suffer feelings of inadequacy if they appear to be performing less well than the women that are around them..

I appreciated this reading since it characterises a conditional that is not usually characterised in similar literature. It ampts my appreciation for primary qualitative literature in mental health. I

Another asperger like trait I have is comparable to alexthemyia but a more general deficit in self-awareness. So, if the author's hypothesis for the conditional stimulis in some aspie's feeling of inadequacy also explains my feeling of inadequacy, I have little or no intuitive feelings of whether that is the case. This makes troubleshooting cognitive biases, and by consequence, using REBT/CBT techniques highly inefficient for me as I have to test out every possible logical fallacy I may or may not be making against all possible corrections. The space is narrowed, of course, by knowledge of the kinds of fallacies similar people tend to make and interventions that tend to work. I wanted to type this out to better wrap my head around my theory about my very slow rate of progress in improving certain aspects of my mental health and social skills. I hope that it is useful for anyone else who is struggling with similar issues since I no of no one else similar enough to me that I can use them as a general point of reference and mentorship for multiple kinds of problems we may share.

My current attitude to relationship strategy given my asperger like relationship issues reflects the position given here that both aspie and (potential) partners can work together to have a successful relationship.

I'm working on other insecurities too, like insecurity around wearing nice clothes

Men (with asperg syndrome)...may suffer feelings of inadequacy if they appear to be performing less well than the women that are around them..

If you idealize a woman and seek the perfect woman, you will appear to be performing less well than your image of the person. To avoid that effect it's good to have a relationship with a person where you also see their flaws and you both can be open about your flaws.

Open thread, Oct. 19 - Oct. 25, 2015

by MrMind 1 min read19th Oct 2015198 comments


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