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Neo-reactionaries, why are you neo-reactionary?

Does being aligned much closer to neoRx count? If so, I confess that my long journey (decades) has gone from its most recent position of being a mindless drone of the "establishment" right wing, steeped early in RC and finshed off in episcopal trimmings. Then after some hayek, regernery(?) And such I followed up with moldbug and the like I had the same epiphany Charlie Brown did on the Christmas special at Dr. Lucy's kiosk:

THAT'S IT !!!!!

It seemed to all make a lot of sense. Unfortunately it all seems so unattainable. Meh.