I came here to ask for advice two months ago. And advice I did get. This is an update post in case you wondered what happened. To be honest I was surprised. Order is important in one's life, reading the sequences was an eye opening experience to say the least, not only I did win the challenge a user set me over private messages but my life has been exponentially better. What surprised me most was the fact that I didn't knew myself and simple routines such as writing your ideas and thoughts and taking time to think and reflect paid off more than I ever thought.
I never thought about what understanding meant until I read the "guessing the teacher's password" and "making it your own". After finishing the coursework (reading the textbooks, reading more textbooks and doing exercises). I pick a set of blank sheets and try to explain and create the subject from void, this helped me grasp all the mathematics I had issues with it also helped finding gaps in understanding and developing skills in solving problems and proving theorems. My set of notes became popular in class somehow I explained topology better even the teacher asked for them. I did great in this semester except few issues that are related to testosterone rising causing me to become reckless and make calculations mistakes (-3 - - 2 = 5) in exams . After reading a bit on the topic I created an exercise of 3 deep breaths followed by double checking results. That saved me some points.
I always thought I loved programming and computing more than anything surprise surprise I do love math actually more. It helped remove distractions and other mind-hijacking tools such as social media, now instead of browsing the internet consuming I write about things and take walks or upgrade my social skills. Being an introvert my social skills are mediocre at best, exercises such as the one Luke posted about were very helpful. I'm still nowhere near starting to seek relationships though another thing to work on for later. I was surrounded my whole life by uneducated people (they attended schools but not Jeffreysai's classrooms) my social awkwardness was seen as a mental problem (I was called a retard by many for simply panicking in socially intensive situations). Now I don't care about that, now I understand that I'm not designed for this and such skills can be learned, my ego doesn't deplete given enough time I can learn anything (dark art hacks).
Another routine was taking Sunday morning to exclusively write my thoughts and journal for the Week. I find it far more effective to journal once per week instead of every day. Given some unseen changes my plans for studying abroad were destroyed, I created a new plan for studying and prepping for careers instead hopefully I'll get accepted somewhere I like, if not then I'll work harder and try next year.
My only advice the one I think i can give without sounding like a guru is this: don't stop, don't drop the sponge, aim for something and work for it enjoy life to it's fullest read books and write books and Gambatte Kudasai
I am very indebted to this community Eli's essays, So8res and TurnTrout who's sequence gave me a motivational pump. I am grateful for finding you all. And wish everyone the best in your quests
Monty Hall was right you gotta think for yourselves
P.s: so8res blog (mindingourway.com) was a great helper some advice was so much effective and fun I wrote a thank you note and he responded it was a delightful day when I received an answer. Thank you again for helping me change my life and more importantly beliefs.