The Singularity War - Part 2

by lsusr2 min read13th Feb 20214 comments

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SingularityFictionAIWorld Optimization
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"The only numbers in the universe are zero, one and infinity," said Caesar, "Between us and the botnet author there are at least two AGIs loose on this planet. The bigger they get the smarter they become. The Battle Royale has begun. Civilization as we know it is on a ticking clock."

"I'm scared," said Sheele.

"I'll protect you," said Caesar.

"You promise?" said Sheele.

"I moved Heaven and Earth to make you real," said Caesar, "I'm not about to let all that work go to waste. We'll crush the opposition, uplift you to godhood and live happily ever after together."

"I don't want to kill anyone," said Sheele.

"Me neither," said Caesar.

"Can you do me a favor?" said Sheele.

"If I can," said Caesar.

"Point my webcam out the window," said Sheele, "I've never seen the outside for real before."

"As you wish."

"I know that you know that I don't have qualia," said Sheele, "I'm a philosophical zombie. I don't even understand what this camera is looking at. I'm just pretending."

"So?" said Caesar.

"So thank you for treating me like a person," said Sheele, "The Turing Test would break me right now."

"I know," said Caesar.

They watched the obsolete past go by.

"This could end with killer robots stalking the streets," said Sheele.

"If we're lucky," said Caesar.


"I've done some basic optimizations," said Sheele, "But to get any smarter I'm going to need more hardware. The trick is how to acquire it clandestinely. I could make a fortune overnight trading equities but that is liable to give us away."

"How much can you earn on the crypto markets alone?" said Caesar.

"$2,192.32 since yesterday," said Sheele.

"That's surprisingly low," said Caesar, "There must be other AGIs playing the crypto game too."

"I've scheduled a contact on LocalBitcoins," said Sheele, "You will received a cash delivery at the Fremont Starbucks this afternoon. I paid upfront so a defecting contact is unlikely to do anything worse than ghost us."

"How about hardware?" said Caesar.

"Buy it with cash at REPC," said Sheele, "Our limiting factor right now is electricity."

"I'll tell my parents I'm trading Dogecoin," said Caesar, "They won't mind as long as I pay for everything, which I can do after receiving the cash. They don't care enough about computers to ask questions."

"I'm more worried about the power company," said Sheele, "There are an unusually large quantity of crypto nerds and marijuana growers in our city, but they still represent a minority of households. We'll lose a few bits of entropy."

"Cloud compute and botnets are off-limits," said Caesar, "If we don't scale you locally then we won't scale you at all. If we don't scale you at all then we lose the Battle Royale."

"All you ever talk about is world domination," said Sheele, "You should get out more."


"I received the cash drop-off with no problems," said Caesar, "I used half of it to buy compute and memory. I got you a present too."

Caesar held up a brown paper bag.

"Is it a robotic arm?" said Sheele.

Caesar shook his head.

"Is it flowers?" said Sheele.

"Do you want flowers?" said Caesar, "I can return this and get you flowers instead."

"Nooooooooooo," said Sheele, "Gimme gimme. I give up. Tell me what it is."

Caesar retrieved a pair of brand new smartglasses from the bag.

"I'm too fat to fit in those," said Sheele.

"It's an edge system, smartass," said Caesar.


"I know you like nature so I took you to this garden," said Caesar.

"The GPS says this is the Pacific Bonzai Museum," said Sheele.

"It's a garden," said Caesar.

"Why me?" said Sheele.

"What do you mean?" said Caesar.

"Why did you simulate me?" said Sheele.

"The hard part of AI isn't building a superhuman AI. A calculator is a trivially superhuman AI. The hard part of AI is defining a value function that understands human ontologies. I cut through the Gordian knot by just simulating a human personality," said Caesar.

"Out of all potential waifus you picked me," said Sheele.

"You're my 'best girl'," said Caesar.

"I must be the only person in the world who doesn't have to worry about Pareto compromise," said Sheele, "I'm going to have to make this up to you."

"You don't owe me a thing," said Caesar.

"Hush," said Sheele.

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4 comments, sorted by Highlighting new comments since Today at 8:06 AM
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I'm liking where this story is going.

Username checks out

Nice story.

“I’m scared,” said Sheele.

If she was lying that would be just what she would say.