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Four weird things happened to me between April 1 and April 9.

Weird thing #1

Good Heart Day Week.

[Redacted]

Weird thing #3

[Redacted]

…I gave my credit card to my personal assistant and instructed her to buy me a plane ticket ASAP….

[Redacted]

Lsusr: Can I return to the airport later to play the puzzle (without a ticket)? The airport is not far from my home.

Lsusr: All is well.

Lsusr: I will tell you about it later.

Brittany: Has to be at SF airport

[Redacted]

"This is Lsusr," [Redacted] said to the students, "Some of what he writes is good. A lot of it is crazy."

[Redacted]

I gave my presentation in front of a whiteboard on which had been written words amounting to "do not trust this person". It wasn't enough. I would have to deliberately torpedo my implied authority before they could learn anything.

[Redacted]

"You really like being Lsusr," the god of my universe observed.

Lsusr is the person who speaks with the words of Lsusr. I choose the words I speak. Why would I choose to be someone I don't like to be? I thought.

[Redacted]

I told Student #1 to explain to Student #2 what an anti-inductive market was. Neither Student #1 nor Student #2 knew what an anti-inductive market was. The real game was whether Student #2 would notice that Student #1 was making everything up. Student #2 did not.

[Redacted]

I played the game against six students simultaneously. I explained what a nuclear engine was. Most of them were wrong when I tested them about whether I was making the whole thing up.

[Redacted]

"You're tired. You haven't eaten. It's late at night. Go home," said my squire. He poured me a glass of water.

"I need my backpack, my water bottle and my sandals," I said.

He ran as fast as he could to fetch my stuff.

[Redacted]

The teacher told her students not to talk to me. I told the teacher's students not talk to me. I told her students my phone was broken. Her students tracked me down to ask questions.

[Redacted]

"Will you come with us to the dinner?" said the students.

"Your teacher has not invited me," I said, "To gatecrash would be rude."

[Redacted]

"Your writing would be easier to understand if you explained things," the student said.

"It's supposed to be a puzzle," I explained.

Weird thing #4

[Redacted]

"LSUSR WAS HERE," I wrote on the whiteboard. You must not be seen, I thought to myself.

[Redacted]

"How can I live without a human being to pour me drinks and fetch my dirty sandals?" I said.

"You got used to having a servant scarily fast," [Redacted] said.

[Redacted]

"I like that I don't know your real name," he said.

"Lsusr could be anyone," I said, "Your Lyft driver could be Lsusr. You could be Lsusr. Even I might be Lsusr."

[Redacted]

…and he told me a story about how if we were programmed to believe the number fifty-one was missing then we would be able to deduce its existence. I replied that we already lived in a simulated universe and that the number which had been excised is called θ. Θ is an integer greater than zero and less than ten….

[Redacted]

[Redacted]

…and he told me that this organization was without leadership. That explains why my experience working for them had felt like…

[Redacted]

"Who is Lsusr?" I said.

[Redacted]

"Can I be Lsusr?" he said.

[Redacted]

…He kept his face as still as he could to prevent me from reading it. I told him he was asked by [Redacted] for [redacted] and then [redacted]. His eyes contorted slightly with what might be described as fear….

[Redacted]

I put on my sunglasses.

"I know why you're here, Neo," I said, "I know what you've been doing. I know why you hardly sleep. I know why you live alone and why night after night you sit at your computer. You're looking for him. I know because I was once looking for the same thing. And when he found me, he told me I wasn't really looking for him. I was looking for the Answer. It's the Question that drives us, Neo. It's the Question that brought you here…."

[Redacted]

That's when I realized Socrates really was correct about Philosopher-Kings. I thought he knew nothing about politics. But, actually, he knew far more about politics than I did at the time. I could not deny the miracle I had witnessed with my own eyes. The miracle I had performed with the philosophy of 老子.

[Redacted]

"That's 里," I said. I added the missing four dots.

[Redacted]

That's when I realized that when Socrates said "All I [Socrates] know is that I [Socrates] know nothing," he didn't want students to say "All I [student] know is that I [student] know nothing." He wanted students to say "All I [student] know is that you [Socrates] know nothing. Because Socrates (in his own mind) really did know nothing.

[Redacted]

"You may take some extra snacks on your way out," he said. It was wise advice.

[Redacted]

"You can just ask," said the Lyft driver.

"Are you a talking or a not talking sort of person?" I asked.

"I could go either way," said the Lyft driver.

"Is there anything you think I should know?" I said.

The Lyft driver explained how American students aren't taught about fractional reserve banking and liquidity crises. Except, unlike me, he used words an American gradeschool student would understand. We listened to his music for the rest of the trip.

"Thank you," I said as gracefully as I could.

"The honor was mine," he said.

[Redacted]

"Thank you," I said, placing a $20 bill on the desk. "I can't take that," she said. I took the$20 bill back.

"Thank you for bending rules for me," I said, respectfully, to the underpaid worker. Then I bolted to the gate. She was not the first stranger to help me that hour. She would not be the last. About a dozen people made sacrifices for me, the stranger. But it only worked because I got lucky too.

[Redacted]

The novel Star Wars: Darth Bane: Rule of Two explains how a Sith must plot to destroy her (or his) master. Contrary to its name, the "Rule of Two" describes only the system's superficial appearance. In actuality, a Sith Master must have several….

[Redacted]

…and then I figured out how to steal (it's more like sharing, really) the miracle of ontological transubstantiation from the Christian God.

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New Comment

[Redacted]

Are… are you doing okay?

Incidentally, when I saw the "LSUSR WAS HERE", I said "I'm not sure I believe it, because lsusr seems like the sort of person who would encourage other people to write that."

did you... click on publish instead of save draft?

I didn't understand anything I read, but I sure enjoyed reading it, to the point of laughing out loud after the fact. I'm not quite sure if that was the intended experience here (though if I can take the "supposed to be a puzzle" line at face value, I guess it is). But if so, well done :).

Yeah, my reaction to this was "you could have done a much better job of explaining the context" but:

"Your writing would be easier to understand if you explained things," the student said.

That was me, so I guess my opinion hasn't changed.

If this is accurate, then you're weirder in person (relative to in-person baseline) than you are on the internet (relative to internet baseline).

Can confirm that this is all accurate. Some of it is much less weird in context. Some of it is much, much weirder in context.

Ok but what's the takeaway for us who do not know the context?

I used to believe the world made sense. April finally broke my credulity.

This was really interesting. Mapping the bits I understood (which was minimal) to the bits I didn't was fun, but also the style of writing for even the bits I didn't understand was entertaining

This was hillarious, very fun to read.

Strong-upvoted for reminding me how much I miss teaching/tutoring.

Typo:

the number which had been excised is called θ. Θ is...

...

-> From what I can tell these are three different depictions of the "theta" character. It may not be feasible to get down to just one, as the second line is in LaTeX, but it should be possible to get down to two.

I assumed it was intentionally capitalized where it begins a sentence.

Oh, good point.