Today my state has changed a lot, it's as if I went from suicidal to immortal.
However, someone known here as gwern expressed interest in stories from when I was a militar firefighter. link
It wasn't really my goal, but I've been posting my story here. link
To summarize: it starts with my proudest moments as a firefighter and ends with despair. Maybe, all of this leads to the following question:
What could I do when I feel like I'm in a hopeless shitstorm?
It is not the most common nowadays, but it still happens.
Since I can't save lives as a firefighter anymore, maybe I can save some ideas - or at least myself a little more - by asking for help to see other people's best ways.
Personally, largely due to my story I posted here, I have a hard time trusting. It's not that I didn't try; I went to four psychologists, two psychiatrists, and checked myself into a sanatorium. When I couldn't trust anyone anymore, not even myself, I told the police I'd committed a crime to isolate myself from society.
Not to be ironic, but I expected the people I'd given my blood to to be there for me. And since they weren't, I realized I was a nuisance to society and that the best course of action would be to not live, to avoid being a burden to others. With a year of preparation, I managed to separate almost everyone from my life, however...
I had a friend who didn't give up, and since I didn't want to hurt him, here in more datail, I started looking for information and books that helped me through the process:
The Drunkard's Way,
Rationality from A to Z, and
Superforecasting,
and for 11 years I have been studying programming and mathematics and trying to apply it to personal development.
And I'm here to try to rethink what I see with the community with the fewest errors I can find, haha. Although, as a Brazilian dyslexic who live now in Argentina, I find it extremely difficult to write. Well, maybe someone is in the same situation and wants to contribute.
Perhaps my path isn't very relevant to many, but I find it interesting to practice all these books to question yourself and find the best questions for self-uptade. Or am I just talking nonsense?
When I'm experiencing some kind of depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, or simply feeling despair with no breathing space, the main problem seems to be that I believe a piece of information, like:
"I'm in deep shit! There's no way out."
In other words, I believe I'm in the worst there is and that there's no way out; that's information.
And the best way I know to correct this information is with questions.
What's the best question to ask when I feel like I'm in deep shit?
Or I`m talking nonsenses?
Apparently, the best question I have to shake confidence in something is to ask about the confidence level. In the case of self-talk:
- I'm in deep shit! There's no way out.
- Do you completely trust in this information? 100%?
- I'm 100% confident that I'm in deep shit... Wait... No! That's too much!...
So it seems that with this question, I've gained a conscious opening to question myself.
Do you know of a better question?