Worth noting that this pattern occurs among gay couples as well! (i.e. sexless long-term-relationship, where one party is unhappy about this). 

I think that conflict in desires/values is inherent in all relationship, and long-term-relationships have more room for conflict because they involve a closer/longer relationship. Sex drive is a major area where partners tend to diverge especially frequently (probably just for biological reasons in het couples). 

It's not obvious to me that sex in marriages needs much special explanation beyond the above. Unless of course the confusion is just "why don't people immediately end all relationships whenever their desires conflict with those of their counterparty".

I suspect that the ideal form of future economic structure is something like "vast high modernist corporate machine, wearing the mask of mom-and-pop small business" 

Specifically: big corporate machines are much more efficient and scalable at delivering goods and services, generally are better for labor, etc. However, "small business" is one of the most popular institutions in America. In general, small businesses have much better vibes/aesthetics, they are often better at certain kinds of experimentation, and they provide much needed human connection and community integration. The synthesis is to use the machinery of modern technocapital to handle all of the non-central and alienating parts of a business, and concentrating the human effort on the community-facing experiental part of the commercial world. 

For example, Dripos is a SaaS business that basically provides all of the operational machinery for a coffee shop as a software project. It's not a stretch to imagine also bundling in white-label roasting or a connection to one of many local baked goods providers as logistics costs continue to drop via AI + just general software eating the world. Add in credit facilities and a provider aiding in location acquisition, and people could open their dream neighborhood coffee shop, while only needing to be an expert in how to provide a good "coffee shop experience". 

I think this is already happening, and near-time AI will likely accelerate it massively.

This is true, and a big part of why I brought up the above advice. Most of the things in this post are mainly about being aware of secondary effects from a stoic mindset and how to adjust for them.

Currently going to Japan with a layover in Taiwan. Any advice there?

I've been getting some critique from friends so I may do some fairly significant edits in the coming days.

Honestly I think part of that is that right now the people who are interested in designing those platforms are largely the more "technical" software devs who get more excited about interesting algorithms and infrastructure vs usability.

Thanks, fixed.

Thanks! It's my first proper long form thing I've spent time on. Glad to see people enjoying it.

Where this becomes difficult is when your control on outcomes is uncertain.

More specifically, it's quite often that it looks like you probably can't do anything to change the situation, but it's also plausible that if you considered the problem more you would discover something. In that case knowing what amount of consideration is worth it is a hard to determine thing. Presumably there is some sort of diminishing returns curve you could use, but obviously you don't have access to that so you have to estimate the effectiveness of your estimation.

Luckily, I think there are huge number of situations where this consideration isn't relevant, such as being struck in traffic.

Yeah, I was hesitant over whether to start with the disclaimer from Scott's Bravery Debates or end with it. I couldn't find a nice way to make the post flow with it at the beginning, but I think it should really be kept in mind any time you read self-help advice (or share it).