Thank you for sharing, though I can imagine it was hard to write.

In my teen years, I was very depressed, yearning love. I was often fantasizing about being born a girl, thinking it would give me the attention I craved. During that time, in my country, transitioning wasn’t really a thing. So it never occurred to me as an option. I don’t know what would happen if it did. I wonder how many kids feel like this during their teen years.

Nevertheless, I eventually fixed it with acquiring needed social skills.

Being “defensive” is not a synonymous with “defending oneself”, at least not in a way these words are typically used.

Being “defensive” implies usage of dirty practices, such as ad hominem, emotional manipulation, misrepresentation of the other party. Essentially, party behaving in a way where a normal good-faith constructive conversation is not possible.

I find it uncontroversial that such a behavior is considered suspicious and undesirable.

Hm. I never aim to arrive sooner than 90minutes before departure—and that’s only because baggage drop closes 60mins before.

If without luggage, I aim for 60min, no matter whether domestic or international.

Never missed a flight yet.

So, I am utterly confused about this whole Buddhist thing. It seems to me that the main goal is to stop existing, essentially die but really truly die, so that person stops suffering. At least that was my understanding of what Nirvana is trying to be. Is that correct or wrong?

Also, I notice a strong obsession with suffering. Yeah, I do suffer here and there, but I don’t make a big deal out of it. I am not even sure I would want all the pain and suffering gone permanently from my life. It feels to me that some discomfort is actively needed in life at least to serve as a backdrop to pleasure. Am I crazy for thinking so?

Sure. What I was trying to point at was that the manual acknowledges that this is actually bad and that things could be done differently. That’s a surprising level of lucidity that I wouldn’t expect to see these days in any government force.

I believe this wasn’t always the case. See the CIA sabotage manual from the WW2

Well, of course, WHAT takes priority. And you need subordinates who have guts to do the right thing even if it contradicts the stated HOW.

I like the “learn the rules before you break them” approach.

In my organization, I tell people that they can break any rule / best practice they truly understand and truly mastered.

Nah. Good organizations impose both what and how. Look at Bezos imposing how meetings should be run.

Btw just a funny thing, it seems that Slovakia (my country) is actually producing one of the top baby carriers in the world.

Baby carrying is quite popular and people are quite knowledgeable re refining here (eg no front facing carrying, no kangaroo carriers, etc)

Check out this brand: https://www.sestrice.com/en/

Yeah. Headline caught my attention and I was expecting that the content would follow, but there was none.

My intent is not to comment on your skill, but to rather warn you of the discipline itself. It seems you feel you’re gaining some profound knowledge by this pondering—I am afraid though this is just illusion—and a dangerous one. Just wanted to warn you of that.