In principle, personality issues are detachable from gender issues. You can just make a list of masculine personality traits and feminine personality traits, remove the gender labels and scramble them all together, and then try to assess which of those traits you have, and which of those traits you'd like to have. Voila, you now have a personality analysis and a personality ideal and it says nothing about gender.
Could it be that your real issue now is what philosophy of gender to believe? The basic divide is between "essentialism" and "non-essentlalism". An essentialist says masculinity and femininity are something more than arbitrary groupings of qualities. A non-essentialist says they are fictitious categories, held in place by custom, privilege, etc. Halfway positions are possible. Also one needs to distinguish between descriptive and normative philosophy of gender. Essentialism can be regarded as the ideal and non-essentialism as the reality, or vice versa. (Or analysis and ideal can both be essentialist or both non-essentialist.)
Thank you for the information. Is Eliezer's position gender essentialist?
If it's worth saying, but not worth its own post, even in Discussion, it goes here.