Bah-Humbug Sequence

A.k.a. "Everything I Don't Like Is A Defect/Defect Equilibrium". Epistemic status: strong opinion weakly held, somewhat exaggerated for dramatic effect; I'm posting this here so that the ensuing discussion might help me clarify my position. Anyway, the time has now come for me to explain my overbearing attitude of cynicism towards all aspects of life. Why now, of all times? I hope to make that clear by the end.