Original post: http://bearlamp.com.au/is-this-how-i-choose-to-show-up/

Is this how I choose to show up? No.

I’m exhausted. I’m just trying to survive here and today I did that. Not every today. But I did this today. Yes.

Is this how I choose to show up? No.

I’m doing better than surviving but am I a good person? Did I do the right thing? Will I be going to heaven or hell for this. Is this how I choose to show up? Yes. I did the right thing. If I survive or not, I know I did the right thing.

Is this how I choose to show up? No.

I’ve aligned myself to the right people. If I follow them, then I know I’m a good person. They can help me survive. But are they the right people? How would I know? Yes. This is right. The gods are with us. And even if they aren’t, they can’t hate me for being on the side of the right people. The gods might smite us for being wrong. The gods might be on our side. I might survive being on this side, I might not. Yes. This is right.

Is this how I choose to show up? No.

I’m working in a team. We are building something for all of us. We are ordered and structured, that’s part of why the world is safe, because of our order. I don’t know if it’s the right people but at least we are working together. And hey – it’s a job, it’s worth it to do good work. It’s pay. It’s enough to survive. But is it enough for me? Am I getting what I want? Maybe if I knew better. The science, the tests to run I could get this team working better. How do I do that? Yes. It’s okay, I’ve got this how I am. I might not survive but at least I’m part of this big idea, and through this big idea I survive. It’s not that the gods might smite us, we are the gods now. We make the ideas. We live or die by the ideas we make and if they survive the long haul. It’s us against the gods of time. And of course the other people’s big ideas. Maybe our idea beats their idea by sheer will of structure, and I have all the right people with me, and even if I didn’t, that’s okay too I guess. Maybe we aren’t right, and I’m okay with that too, as long as we try. In the true arena of ideas, the best ideas win. Yes.

Is this how I choose to show up? No.

I’m running the tests. I’m getting that recognition for being right in the ways I’m right. In all the ways I know, I know that I’m doing well. All that unknown, it’s not safe, but I’m coming to conquer it. I have my team, but I ...

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