I think you are refining yourself for very good reasons. It could happen that you help 'raise' a seed AI someday. Like the quote on your pin there is, 'be the person you are seeking'. Perhaps your personal honesty practices are very important for your AI work. If you ever find yourself working with an evolving machine consciousness, it might be very good that you've taken time to search yourself.
I like your comment about feeling your nervous system change while run into that inconvenience-of-reality-what-to-say-or-do-myaaa!... thing. I think it's lucky that there are feelings to go along with lying, but very sad that it is so common and uncomfortable. You've seen others lie? A chill falls on things? Being absorbed in loads of truth seems like a flow state. Again, what is happening in our brains when we've really got it right?
Last, the practical part of my comment; have you considered having a look at your brain activity in some kind of honesty experiment? I know that would be expensive to do on a whim, but something to keep in mind for the future. In the next decade or so, wouldn't it be nice to get to know that 'wetware'; grab Nick Bostrom, Kurzweil, Aubrey de Grey, and have an MRI party? I'm being cheeky, but also sincere; you folks are so likely to be involved in some sort of GAI success, it would be neat to know your own minds in presently unusual but really useful ways.
If this is non-sense, go easy. I'm a dreamer.
is there any real action in seed AI today?