What do you mean by trying hard? Why is this less beneficial than not trying hard? How not to try hard?
I have been practicing meditation for 2.5 years and I think I did not even make it to A&P. Might that be the sign that I am doing something wrong?
I think that my akrasia manifests itself as agents that vote for the right thing being too weak because the mechanism of positive reinforcement being somehow broken. I mean that when I choose doing the thing that I want, I know that there won't be any pleasantness to experience. If the right things do not feel right, it is much harder to choose them. This is similar to alexithymia. I have talked with psychiatrist about that, and he prescribed aripiprazole. I have been taking it for 4 weeks by now, and I am starting to see the benefits.
This is very similar to the Lifespan Integration Therapy which I had in April 2020. The logic of this therapy is to connect you with your memories and dissolve the past traumas. I think I greatly benefited from it because I have stopped being afraid of certain moments of my life associated with having depression.
In general, I am reading this sequence because one of my dreams is to understand what consciousness and enlightenment are. There are few gears in my current models of these phenomena.
This theme has been very confusing for me for the last couple of years, and I am very much looking for the increase of my understanding of what mind is and how it works after reading this sequence. Thank you very much in advance for writing it.