It's important to be honest. I think you should include your husband in this seeking process. My dad kinda acted like he was a christian(went to church), and my mom really was and still is. To me dad just made christianity seem empty illbased anyway, talking and thinking one way but still going to church. He was people pleasing. I don't find that very respectable. Eventually I started wanting to base what I believe on reality, not just what I was taught. It's no good to live a lie. On the other hand, from my experience, truth outside of the church is just as blind, hypocritical,"cultish" and biased or more so. Everybody thinks their right. The critisim of christian drones above I understand, but really those critizing arn't really any different. Leaving the fold just means you jump in theres. Its not dumb to respect authority necessarily and you'll end up respecting one authority or another somewhere down the road. Keep searching for the truth the moment you think you've found it let me know. It doesn't do much good to trade one lie for another and there are just as many outside the church as you see within.