[This is an entry for lsusr's write-like-lsusr competition.]

Content Warning: Everything you’d expect from the title, but in smaller quantities than you might imagine.

“You realize she’s not actually following?” said the Fate to the poet.

Without breaking stride, Orpheus turned his eyes^[1] to his interlocutor and sighed. “Perhaps. But what would you have me do?”

“The only thing you can do, and the only thing that could save her. Look back.”

“Didn’t you just say she’s not there?”

“Yes. But if you turn around, she will be.”

A pause. “You’re going to have to unpack that.”

“No-one has ever brought anyone back from Hades. By base rates, you succeeding here is fantastically unlikely: either you’re going to turn around, or you’ll find she was never following you in the first place. With probability of one minus epsilon, all you can decide now is the form of your failure. But the form of your failure does matter.”

“How?”

“Let me answer that question with another. Are the Gods superintelligent?”

Orpheus smiled wryly, and looked up^[2] at the ceiling. “If you’re trying to get me struck by lightning, I’ll remind you we’re underground.”

“So you don’t know.”

“I know they often seem childish, like humans might if granted their power. I also know mortals like me never seem to win against them, even in contests of pure wit. But whether it’s because they’re much cleverer than they choose to act, or because they wield the power to warp chance itself . . . how could I ever be sure they’re not just smarter than me, and playing the fool?”

“You could know that by the way your story ends. If you’ve already failed, it’s because you were tricked by an intellect far surpassing your own. But if she’s there, it’s because Hades let you both walk free without a backup plan, safe in the knowledge that something would happen to make you look back. And you get to choose the way your story ends.”

“Why would I choose a story where I turn around like an idiot and ruin everything at the last moment?”

“Because that’s a story about Gods which are merely powerful, not superintelligent. A story about antagonists who might someday be beaten, even if not by you. A story whose sequel’s sequel’s sequel could end with everyone getting to leave, you and her included.

A story where you get to see her face, one last time.”

Orpheus stopped. He thought for a while, and then . . .

. . . shook his head^[3]. “Nah."

“...

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