I've been on-and-off working on compiling and examining actually-existing examples of governance that existed without using a monopoly of legitimate force. Some examples include: mutual aid societies, some charities, embedded legal structures such as traditional Romani law, the mafia in early 90s Moscow, Common Ground Collective, guerilla road repair crews, #metoo and other decentralized shunning campaigns, and transformative justice pods.
The degree of tolerance of directness varies culture by culture. The term anthropologists use is high context for less direct cultures vs low context for more direct cultures. The United States is fairly low context but it isn't the most low context culture. For example, both Israeli and Finland have more direct communication as a cultural norm. What Americans see as rudeness is just normal communication in some places.
traditional somali law and pod-to-pod transformative justice seem rather similar, except pod members take the place of clan judges and the alternative to mediation is shunning/cancelation rather than feuding.