sablebrush

Great I will keep a lookout for such people.

As for your second question:

1) I am open to receiving love, but it needs to be from someone who has self-respect. I can't abide codependent love because again it just feels like I'm up on a pedestal or being controlled or being used to fill a hole in their lives.

2) I imagine love to be a very physical act, lots of physical affection. That and some verbal expressions, such as encouragement. However, when I think of someone doing favours for me or buying me gifts, I do feel resistance to that, I feel a bit awkward, like I 'owe' them something back.

3)... (read 368 more words →)

I feel that my entire life since I was 5 (when my survival mechanisms began) my entire personality is based around getting admiration. And now I get tons and tons of it, I have so many ways to get admiration, I have honed many talents and my intellect and worldviews that impress people. But the thing is, I hate it. And yet I still get it, automatically, because my entire subconscious behavioural pattern is around getting it - even when consciously, I'm sick of it and no longer want it.

All I actually want is love. I want nurturance and to be held. But instead people put me on a pedestal, and... (read more)