I know this is way past its expiry date, but I have to ask:

Exactly how much dysfunction / argument / neglect / abuse would it take to make you happy? Your organic brain just isn't that complex compared to an artillect like that Genie. It sounds like that would be baked in to your Verthandi. If she's a modified em, then she's functionally as "human" as any of us.

Or perhaps you'd need her to come after you with a carving knife to persuade you she's genuinely hurt by your rejection?