I feared greatly that this was a letter of complaint, and the final paragraph soothes me.
I don't know where you live, but a great deal of cultures emphasize hard work, or to put it in <100 subscriber Fitness Youtuber terms, Grindset. Put succinctly, this state of mind that you must be working 100% of the time to have worth is complete... bullshit? I'm new here, I should probably have been given a handbook. Am I allowed to swear? Irregardless, life is a lot of balancing doing nothing and doing everything, and often times neither option makes sense and just confuddles further. I'm happy you've found some solace in this matter.