This is good detail. Thank you for it. I have made adjustments. Most importantly, to the first paragraph, and a transition before the YouTube paragraph.

I'm not reading what you said as a promise to help me iterate, and don't want you to think you're obligated. I have already gotten value as-is. But if you want to compare with the original, it's still unmodified in the copy on my blog for now.

I'm not feeling motivated to add a new introductory paragraph. Here are some of my reasons:

1. Unclear what is wrong, what particularly caused you to be confused.
2. Priors about tradeoffs with level of repetition colliding with my ideas about my target audience.
3. Priors about how many iterations it takes to make it much less confusing colliding with guesses about the feedback loop I'd get from trying to alleviate your confusion. How many times would you respond? How much detail would you respond in? How fast would it be? How long would I have to spend checking LessWrong to see if I got another comment?
4. Guesses about how long it would take and what else I could be doing with my time. (Finishing one of my many draft blog posts while I'm on the train right now, for instance.)

I started blogging recently. Some rationalists have apparently found it good. I would like to make these posts I'm writing contributions to the LessWrong project. I would like to cross-post instead of link my posts. But am only comfortable doing so under a pseudonym because of options I want to leave open for things to discuss on my blog.

I have therefore recently created this new account. I think I need 10 karma or something to post though. So, soon (TM). When I get around to posting some helpful comments to earn it.