This is good detail. Thank you for it. I have made adjustments. Most importantly, to the first paragraph, and a transition before the YouTube paragraph.
I'm not reading what you said as a promise to help me iterate, and don't want you to think you're obligated. I have already gotten value as-is. But if you want to compare with the original, it's still unmodified in the copy on my blog for now.
I'm not feeling motivated to add a new introductory paragraph. Here are some of my reasons:
I started blogging recently. Some rationalists have apparently found it good. I would like to make these posts I'm writing contributions to the LessWrong project. I would like to cross-post instead of link my posts. But am only comfortable doing so under a pseudonym because of options I want to leave open for things to discuss on my blog.
I have therefore recently created this new account. I think I need 10 karma or something to post though. So, soon (TM). When I get around to posting some helpful comments to earn it.