waveman

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Your AB should ideally be:


I would add

d) A person who does not have RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria). This is a pretty common condition. A lot of people are just very averse to any feedback and such people do not make good accoutability partners. Such people may to be looking for cheerleaders not accountability partners. 

Related ideas around immunity to change in this book https://www.amazon.com.au/Immunity-Change-Overcome-Potential-Organization/dp/1422117367
"Immunity to Change: How to Overcome It and Unlock the Potential in Yourself and Your Organization" by Robert Kegan

> Our youngest (15m) has recently started sleeping through the night

Initially I was going to point out that letting them cry themselves out sets the scene for neediness and insecurity down the track. But at 15 months it is a different story and what you are doing is fine. You must be at your wits' ends. Ours slept through at 6 weeks which was bad enough.

>Function of REM sleep

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rapid_eye_movement_sleep#Deprivation_effects

I had a Zeo sleep monitor and I noticed that I had more REM sleep when doing hard intellectual work or deliberate practice, or after emotionally intense experiences. I had more deep sleep when exercising hard e.g. sprints or resistance training. This suggests to me that these forms of sleep are respectively associated with learning and body repair.

I also notice that I can learn a lot faster when I have naps and/or ample sleep. And that I recover from hard exercise more quickly. 

OK this is all a bit uncertain but not just vacuous speculation.

I would like to see some evidence that orexin does not detract from these alleged effects before using it.  Edit - the EA article does provide some evidence for this.

For any of those who are not big fans of CBT, ACT is very different 

My gripe with CBT is that it tends to resolve to telling yourself that your feelings are irrational, make no sense etc. This is OK if your problem is primarily due to thoughts that are just merely cognitively wrong but I find this is rarely true. The problem is usually at the emotional level and in that situation CBT basically only papers over the problem.

One extreme case of this was a relative of mine who was given CBT for an anxiety condition, which turned out to be due to a cortisol-secreting tumour. It had virtually no benefit as you might expect.  A problem needs to be addressed in terms of the causal structure that creates and maintains it.

ACT on the other hand does work at the emotional level - helping you to accept 'bad' feelings and deal with them, and then decide on / commit to your goals and accept that working on them will likely come with bad feelings like boredom, frustration etc. 

So to my mind ACT is far more powerful and deep than CBT.

Other techniques that work at deeper levels that I found useful include Internal Family Systems Therapy, Memory Reconsolidation techniques (book "Unlocking the emotional brain") , Holotropic Breathwork*, and Trauma Release Exercises.

*inb4 woo woo

You are right that other therapies do recognize multiple parts in various ways. 

From studying and using all of the above my conclusion is that IFS offers the most tractable approach to this issue of competing 'parts'. And in many ways the most powerful. 

When you read about modern therapies, they all borrow from one another in a way that did not occur say 50 years ago where there were very entrenched schools of thought.

General comment:

There was a post in this thread claiming therapies are useless. This seems ironic as IMHO there are now available powerful and life changing therapies that simply were not well known 20+ years ago.

Quite often I run into people with trauma and other issues who gave up on therapies years ago and who do not realize that the game has changed.

Examples: 
CFT
IFS
The various memory reconsolidation techniques (EMDR, see also the book "Unlocking the emotional brain"). 
Holotropic Breathwork (inb4 woo woo)
Reparenting therapy for lack of secure attachment.

One thing that I think is neglected is the power of stacking therapies. As one example I achieved a huge breakthrough by doing IFS during a Holotropic Breathwork session. This led to a cascade of breakthroughs to the point where I now seem to be - to my complete surprise - basically trauma free.

After reading the whole thing I don't think he disposed of the hyperpalatability hypothesis. That was the weakest part of the series. 

One other thing that was missing related to sugars and seed oils. I have not been able to find any 'native' poulation with access to large quantities of both. You do have some with access to large amounts of fruit or honey, as mentioned. And also some (Kalahari desert dwellers eat large amounts of Omega 6 rich mongongo nuts "why farm when the world has mongongo nuts") with access to large quantities of Omega 6 oils, one alleged culprit in seed oils. But I don't see any that have both, Processed foods are rich in both and this is novel.

Still it is worth reading IMHO and I find myself somewhat convinced that Li has a role.

fruits, which are obviously 'natural'

 

Given the massive changes in fruits from selective breeding, I disagree. I would classify most fruits in the hyperpalatable category. 

How many of the bananas in the article below are you going to eat?

https://www.sciencealert.com/fruits-vegetables-before-domestication-photos-genetically-modified-food-natural

And then there is the issue of availability in nature. Most fruits are only available seasonally in nature but we have fixed that. This temporary availability in quantity may be IMHO what drives binge eating of sweet foods. Because in nature it is a case of use it or lose it.

Notice that jefftk is responding to the child from the child's perspective.

 

Later on yes - perhaps - but not in real time. The question in my mind is why is the child so anxious about people taking their food and having enough food? Is this a thing that happens often? Is there a lack of security about getting enough food? Do adults behave in capricious ways that violate the child's rights?

Explaining that there is actually enough food may actually miss the point. The point is that in the moment the child did not, for whatever reason, trust that they would have enough food. Why was that?

There is an analogy to my situation in that my problem is that I was very sad that my grandmother had died and it was explained that I was wrong to be sad because she was in heaven. Which my mother much later admitted she did not actually balieve. It was a lie to shut me down. And it was made clear that being sad or expressing sadness was not allowed.

Did they really address the child's concerns - that someone can take their food and they will not have enough? What they did was showed that it was in the power of adults to get more food - not at all the same thing.

 > You have to realize that as a parent

I have been a parent for several decades.

> You can't do a psychological deep dive everytime.

True - but would be looking out for other signs that the child is anxious about getting enough food to see if this is a one-off or not. I am still interested in the question of why the child is so anxious about getting enough food that they created this scene. Something here does not add up.

> she probably calmed you down a thousand other times without leaving any psychological scars

Actually denying the existence of real problems was her modus operandi. For example, her solution to my anxiety about having my teeth drilled with a slow drill and no pain-killers was to tell me that the drilling did not hurt - a blatant lie.

There is a book "Daily Rituals" by Mason Currey which looks at the practices of various high achievers. Few were able to achieve much more than 4 hours a day of sustained high calibre intellectual work*. This suggests to me that going much past this is difficult as you would think others who could work harder would do so and win. 

A typical day would look like this

1. Hard work in the morning for 4-5 hours with coffee or breakfast. 
2. Lunch then take care of business. 
3. Relax in the evening.

A nap at lunchtime can help you to eke out another hour or so (as in thar study of violinists who made it to become concert solists - which I can't find right now). Personally I now see sleep not as wasted time but as a useful practice that helps me to learn and to exercise hard or to deal with emotionally challenging situations from the present or the past.

I think people should focus on getting in the 4 hours a day, which is hard enough. If you do that in a goal directed fashion you are likely to be awesome. And the good news is that you can also manage your life and enjoy yourself.

* Note we are not talking about busy work or repetitive work. If there is not a feeling of effort you are probably not working very hard. One example of hard work is deliberate practice. 

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