weft

Way back in the ancient times of 1980, Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlich wrote "How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk" (henceforth "Kids"). It turns out that kids and adults operate with mostly the same internal machinery, so you could perhaps more accurately call it "How To Talk So [Humans] Will Listen and Listen So [Humans] Will Talk" . This seminal work proved so useful that 42 years later it is still one of the most recommended parenting books¹, and is widely regarded as useful for adult-adult communication as well. 40 years ago is a long time though. It is long enough for Joanne Faber, daughter of the original author Adele Faber to grow up, have kids of her own, and put the skills her mother raised her with to good use herself. And in the much-less-distant past of 2017 Joanne, with co-author Julie King, wrote what could be considered a modernized update of her mother's work, titled "How To Talk So Little Kids Will Listen" (henceforth "Little Kids"). The core principles are the same, but the update stands on its own. Where the original "Kids" acts more like a workbook, asking the reader to self-generate responses, "Little Kids" feels more like it's trying to download a response system into your head via modeling and story-telling. I personally prefer this system better, because the workbook approach feels like it's only getting to my System 2 (sorry for the colloquialism). Meanwhile being surrounded with examples and stories works better for me to fully integrate a new mode of interaction. In fact, if I truly wanted to integrate it I would want 3 more books of anecdotes, a TV show, and a fiction book series to model after. Structure and Philosophy "Little Kids" is very goal-oriented. It explicitly asks "What are you trying to accomplish with this communication to your kids?", and recognizes that oftentimes the answer is behavioral change, for example "I want Little Alice to stop hitting when she's angry." After focusing on the goal, th