Yeah, I think maybe part of where the tendency to flinch comes from is the implicit recognition that "fixing W" will sometimes take a huge amount of work, and recognizing the scale of the effort versus how much you care... it might lead you to internalize that you don't actually care about W that much :-(
To be clear with oneself about your priorities (including "necessary selfishness" that no one will prioritize if you don't) can be unflattering or diverge from other people's public statements about good and bad. I suspect there are better or worse ways to deal with this, so that you don't emphasize a cached self of the wrong sort? Maybe its better to cache that you're the sort of person who clarifies their evolving priorities in response to improved understanding of a changing world and who currently values X, Y, and Z the most, rather than focusing too much on the fact that "I don't value W enough to do anything substantive about it".
"I don't value W enough to do anything substantive about it".
I tend to think instead "The cost of W is more than I can afford" / "I can buy the even-cooler Q for that price!"
It's a lot like a financial budget: I can save up for a new computer if it's important to me. If I'm especially rich, I can just buy one. If I change income brackets or values, it's important to refactor that budget - if I lose my job, I probably can't afford a new computer until I get a new job. If my existing computer breaks, I might put aside some no...
Note: I am deleting this post because it contained personal information about a friend whose permission I did not expressly obtain.