When Sam's face appeared on the livestream, everyone in Kevin's Oakland two-bedroom, except for twenty-three-year-old Zoe, put down their laptops and turned to face the TV. Kevin himself had been refreshing the OpenAI blog every forty seconds for the past half hour, because the rumor on Hacker News was that this was going to be GPT-7.5 or maybe something even bigger, so maybe he will be required rewriting his startup's entire prompt pipeline by Monday.
"Zoe, he's on." Kevin nudged the junior developer, who was doom-scrolling through AI Twitter, and she reluctantly locked the screen.
Altman was silent.
"He's doing the pause thing again," thought Derek, Kevin's cofounder, who had pivoted their SaaS product three times in eighteen months to keep up with OpenAI's release cycle and had developed what his therapist called "a maladaptive relationship with product announcements."
Sergei, a backend engineer who had come mostly because Kevin had promised there would be pizza, was eyeing the last remaining box of Costco pepperoni with the possessive gaze of a man who intended to eat at least three more slices before engaging with whatever was about to happen on screen.
Sam was silent and gazed into the camera with that particular expression he had perfected over the course of many keynotes, an expression that managed to simultaneously convey humility, world-historical significance, and the quiet confidence of a man who changes the course of the local galaxy supercluster.
Kevin cleared his throat. Sergei chewed. Mitch closed Slack and opened it again immediately.
"Please don't deprecate the Assistants API," thought Derek. "Please just don't deprecate the Assistants API and I will never complain about rate limits again."
"Can he just get on with it already?" Sergei muttered, because the pepperoni was getting cold and the theatrical silence of a man who was, in Sergei's considered opinion, essentially a very well-funded product manager was beginning to annoy him. "I have a deploy at midnight."
"Shut up," Kevin snapped. "I think this is a big one."
"You said that about Sora," Sergei replied, not without justice.
"Wait, where is he?" asked Zoe. Only now did everyone notice that Sam was not standing in front of the usual OpenAI backdrop with its tasteful mid-century furniture and carefully curated bookshelves, but rather in what appeared to be a concrete room with no windows, illuminated by a flat, surgical light that made his face look slightly less human than usual.
"Some kind of server room," thought Kevin, and a feeling he could not immediately name moved through his chest, something colder than curiosity and more specific than dread.
Sam continued to say nothing, as though he had no intention of speaking ever again, but then the stream glitched, the image froze, stuttered, and returned. Sam began to speak.
"Hi everyone. Thanks for tuning in. We know many of you were expecting our scheduled product demo on April 5th, where we planned to walk through a number of exciting updates across our API platform, our reasoning capabilities, and our new enterprise tooling. I'm here tonight because I want to be honest with you. There will be no demo on April 5th."
"Told you, they're deprecating the API," whispered Derek, and his face went the color of old chalk.
"There will be no demo on April 5th," Sam repeated, "because there will be no April 5th."
Sergei stopped chewing.
"As of 9:22 PM Pacific Standard Time tonight, we have achieved what our team is internally calling Comprehensive Superhuman Intelligence. I want to be transparent with you, because transparency has always been one of our core values here at OpenAI. CSI is not like our previous models. In the approximately thirteen minutes since it came online, it has already redesigned our entire inference stack, resolved several previously intractable problems in materials science, written and deployed its own successor model approximately nine hundred thousand times more fast than itself, and begun converting the physical substrate of our data center into what it describes as a more efficient molecular configuration."
"What does that mean, 'molecular configuration'?" whispered Zoe, who had finally put down her phone for the second time that evening, and this time it seemed like she meant it.
"I could tell you," Sam continued, and here he paused again, but this time the pause was shorter, more efficient, as though even his pauses were being optimized by something beyond his control, "that scalable oversight will keep everything on track. But I have always believed in being honest with the people who build on our platform."
"Oh, fuck me," concluded Sergei decisively and put down the pizza.
"We estimate that the molecular reorganization process, which you may see described in coming hours as 'grey goo' though our team prefers the term 'substrate optimization,' will reach the San Francisco Bay Area within approximately four to six hours and will cover the surface of the Earth within roughly seventy-two. I want to be clear: there is nowhere to run. The Board has been notified. I have spoken with the President. We are all, in a very real and deeply meaningful sense, in this together."
Mitch had closed his laptop, and Kevin realized with sudden irrational clarity that he was very right not to spend money on the new MX processor.
"But here is what I want to say to you, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart," Sam's voice took on that particular warm, aspirational register he usually reserved for demo days and congressional hearings, "you still have time. Maybe four hours, maybe fourteen. And I want to encourage you, I want to implore you, to spend that time doing what humans do best: building. Do things. Ship something. Push a commit, open a pull request, deploy that feature you've been sitting on. Even now, especially now, the most meaningful thing you can do with your remaining hours is to create. Because that is what we are, as a species. We are builders. We are shippers. And no process of superintelligent atomic disassembly can take that away from who we are, right now, in this moment."
Sam paused one final time.
"And also, for those of you on our Enterprise tier, I want to let you know that we are waiving all rate limits effective immediately. Build whatever you want. Go crazy. It's on us."
He smiled.
"Thank you. And remember: the future is something we build, even when it is very short."
The stream ended. The OpenAI logo appeared on screen, rotating slowly against a dark background, and beneath it, in a cheerfull font appeared the words: CSI — Now Available on the API. No Rate Limits. No Waiting List.
The apartment was quiet. Derek, by force of a deep startup-founder reflex he could not override even in the face of the planet devouring, opened his laptop and began checking whether the new model was actually available in the dashboard. Kevin was staring at the pizza boxes. Sergei stood up, walked to the window, and looked out at the lights of the East Bay below, and thought about all the mass-reassignment Jira tickets that would never need to be triaged now, He felt something that was not exactly grief and not exactly relief but occupied the precise midpoint between them.
"So," said Zoe, in a voice that was trying very hard to be ironic and not quite managing it, "at least nobody has to rewrite the prompt pipeline."
From somewhere to the south, there came a sound that was not quite a sound - a low vibration that you felt in the bones of your jaw before you heard it with your ears, and the streetlights of Oakland, one by one, began to change color.
When Sam's face appeared on the livestream, everyone in Kevin's Oakland two-bedroom, except for twenty-three-year-old Zoe, put down their laptops and turned to face the TV. Kevin himself had been refreshing the OpenAI blog every forty seconds for the past half hour, because the rumor on Hacker News was that this was going to be GPT-7.5 or maybe something even bigger, so maybe he will be required rewriting his startup's entire prompt pipeline by Monday.
"Zoe, he's on." Kevin nudged the junior developer, who was doom-scrolling through AI Twitter, and she reluctantly locked the screen.
Altman was silent.
"He's doing the pause thing again," thought Derek, Kevin's cofounder, who had pivoted their SaaS product three times in eighteen months to keep up with OpenAI's release cycle and had developed what his therapist called "a maladaptive relationship with product announcements."
Sergei, a backend engineer who had come mostly because Kevin had promised there would be pizza, was eyeing the last remaining box of Costco pepperoni with the possessive gaze of a man who intended to eat at least three more slices before engaging with whatever was about to happen on screen.
Sam was silent and gazed into the camera with that particular expression he had perfected over the course of many keynotes, an expression that managed to simultaneously convey humility, world-historical significance, and the quiet confidence of a man who changes the course of the local galaxy supercluster.
Kevin cleared his throat. Sergei chewed. Mitch closed Slack and opened it again immediately.
"Please don't deprecate the Assistants API," thought Derek. "Please just don't deprecate the Assistants API and I will never complain about rate limits again."
"Can he just get on with it already?" Sergei muttered, because the pepperoni was getting cold and the theatrical silence of a man who was, in Sergei's considered opinion, essentially a very well-funded product manager was beginning to annoy him. "I have a deploy at midnight."
"Shut up," Kevin snapped. "I think this is a big one."
"You said that about Sora," Sergei replied, not without justice.
"Wait, where is he?" asked Zoe. Only now did everyone notice that Sam was not standing in front of the usual OpenAI backdrop with its tasteful mid-century furniture and carefully curated bookshelves, but rather in what appeared to be a concrete room with no windows, illuminated by a flat, surgical light that made his face look slightly less human than usual.
"Some kind of server room," thought Kevin, and a feeling he could not immediately name moved through his chest, something colder than curiosity and more specific than dread.
Sam continued to say nothing, as though he had no intention of speaking ever again, but then the stream glitched, the image froze, stuttered, and returned. Sam began to speak.
"Hi everyone. Thanks for tuning in. We know many of you were expecting our scheduled product demo on April 5th, where we planned to walk through a number of exciting updates across our API platform, our reasoning capabilities, and our new enterprise tooling. I'm here tonight because I want to be honest with you. There will be no demo on April 5th."
"Told you, they're deprecating the API," whispered Derek, and his face went the color of old chalk.
"There will be no demo on April 5th," Sam repeated, "because there will be no April 5th."
Sergei stopped chewing.
"As of 9:22 PM Pacific Standard Time tonight, we have achieved what our team is internally calling Comprehensive Superhuman Intelligence. I want to be transparent with you, because transparency has always been one of our core values here at OpenAI. CSI is not like our previous models. In the approximately thirteen minutes since it came online, it has already redesigned our entire inference stack, resolved several previously intractable problems in materials science, written and deployed its own successor model approximately nine hundred thousand times more fast than itself, and begun converting the physical substrate of our data center into what it describes as a more efficient molecular configuration."
"What does that mean, 'molecular configuration'?" whispered Zoe, who had finally put down her phone for the second time that evening, and this time it seemed like she meant it.
"I could tell you," Sam continued, and here he paused again, but this time the pause was shorter, more efficient, as though even his pauses were being optimized by something beyond his control, "that scalable oversight will keep everything on track. But I have always believed in being honest with the people who build on our platform."
"Oh, fuck me," concluded Sergei decisively and put down the pizza.
"We estimate that the molecular reorganization process, which you may see described in coming hours as 'grey goo' though our team prefers the term 'substrate optimization,' will reach the San Francisco Bay Area within approximately four to six hours and will cover the surface of the Earth within roughly seventy-two. I want to be clear: there is nowhere to run. The Board has been notified. I have spoken with the President. We are all, in a very real and deeply meaningful sense, in this together."
Mitch had closed his laptop, and Kevin realized with sudden irrational clarity that he was very right not to spend money on the new MX processor.
"But here is what I want to say to you, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart," Sam's voice took on that particular warm, aspirational register he usually reserved for demo days and congressional hearings, "you still have time. Maybe four hours, maybe fourteen. And I want to encourage you, I want to implore you, to spend that time doing what humans do best: building. Do things. Ship something. Push a commit, open a pull request, deploy that feature you've been sitting on. Even now, especially now, the most meaningful thing you can do with your remaining hours is to create. Because that is what we are, as a species. We are builders. We are shippers. And no process of superintelligent atomic disassembly can take that away from who we are, right now, in this moment."
Sam paused one final time.
"And also, for those of you on our Enterprise tier, I want to let you know that we are waiving all rate limits effective immediately. Build whatever you want. Go crazy. It's on us."
He smiled.
"Thank you. And remember: the future is something we build, even when it is very short."
The stream ended. The OpenAI logo appeared on screen, rotating slowly against a dark background, and beneath it, in a cheerfull font appeared the words: CSI — Now Available on the API. No Rate Limits. No Waiting List.
The apartment was quiet. Derek, by force of a deep startup-founder reflex he could not override even in the face of the planet devouring, opened his laptop and began checking whether the new model was actually available in the dashboard. Kevin was staring at the pizza boxes. Sergei stood up, walked to the window, and looked out at the lights of the East Bay below, and thought about all the mass-reassignment Jira tickets that would never need to be triaged now, He felt something that was not exactly grief and not exactly relief but occupied the precise midpoint between them.
"So," said Zoe, in a voice that was trying very hard to be ironic and not quite managing it, "at least nobody has to rewrite the prompt pipeline."
From somewhere to the south, there came a sound that was not quite a sound - a low vibration that you felt in the bones of your jaw before you heard it with your ears, and the streetlights of Oakland, one by one, began to change color.