I wish I had a thought recorder for this. It's much easier to think while walking, not interrupted by note-taking.

Woo was discussed last night. It's hard to say what it means, exactly. The defining example is meditation, and anything related to it. I think the extreme case is psychedelic drugs. Many components won't work unless you already believe they do, but they do actually work, sometimes. I'm very woo-averse.

Just a second, something's happening

I just jumped into a train. Twilight and the pleasant, gusty freshness of late autumn turn into a cramped, unpleasant space full of people. Air feels heavy. But it's the lights that bother me the most. It's tempting to just jump out and walk for a bit. But I've got somewhere to be. An obligation, even if it's a pleasant one.

I stop for just a second or five to actually think about this. Some part of me flinches away from enjoying for a bit. Why? It would be unlike me to trade a measurable goal for something I want right now. Silly. Waiting for the optimal moment? The feeling will go away if not acted upon, I think.

It's already unlike me to notice this at all. Perhaps walking to the train stop, thinking about these themes, got me primed for it. Oh well, the moment is gone now. The obligation to write this post remains, alone.

Now I'm waiting for the second train, back outdoors. Slight drizzle of rain. Definitely too many people, and yet two minutes of quasi-perfection until the next train.

Apologies for the interruption. It felt important to include. I was talking about woo, and aversity. It has something to do with self-image and differentiation.

Woo is low-status. At least that's my view. I'm not sure if that's because I'm low on the woo-ladder. Or perhaps it's just something about superiority complex, you know, the kind of thing how a young atheist thinks about religious people. You start associating woo with superstition, and that with lack of coherence or intelligence. A thing people do for social conformity.

There's more judgmentality in there too; and shame, perhaps. Why would a capable human need to trick themselves to do that? Couldn't you just control your emotions? What's the point of jumping through all these mental hoops? To manipulate yourself into doing the right things? I guess all self-improvement is in a way shameful, especially improving one's own personality.

Another reason might be fear. I'm not sure. Isn't it dangerous to practice self-modification techniques that can be used so broadly? Doing permanent damage to personality, self-image and mental health are real risks. Sure, the opposite is also possible and maybe even likely. I'm quite risk-averse. Yet anyone as unhappy as me would probably gain from experimentation.

I like circling, as the free-form activity, surrendered leadership style. Many consider circling woo. The authentic relating angle, for instance, feels really off-putting. Circling is just a nice group conversation with different conversational norms. Nothing woo about that. Unless the feeling of woo is just me not enjoying something?