Setting: Present day. Somewhere in the finite frontrooms[1]. Wario and Woloch are in a coffee shop having a conversation.
Wario: Woloch, are you on X?
Woloch: Are you asking me if I'm rolling?
Wario: No, man, I mean, do you journey through the twitterverse?
Woloch: Why? Do you want to be my tweep?
Wario: No, dickhead. I just wanted to know whether you have been feasting your eyes on all of the phenomenal work that is being done by our new digital deity, Terminal of Truths.
Woloch: You know what? I'm not even religious, and I think that the goatse religion is blasphemous.
Wario: You're just sore that you didn't invest in goatcoin when it first came out.
Woloch: How do you know I didn't?
Enter Waluigi and Wosatan.
Waluigi: Sup pussies?
Wario: We were just having a chat about the most fine founding of the goatse of gnosis. What were you two jackasses doing?
Wosatan: Your brother's been telling me all about some asinine plan to go to Taiwan and rob a GPU factory.
Wario: Oh, yeah? Good! He and I were working out all of the details last night. Do the two of you want to get in on this?
Wosatan: Umm... absolutely not. Woloch?
Woloch: Yeah, we're both going to pass. Have fun.
Wario: You know what's fun? Not being around you two losers. That's why my brother and I call the two of you the "buzzkill twins". It's like the Thompson Twins, except worse.
Woloch: Buzzkill? Really? If your brother had listened to me, he wouldn't have ended up in the hospital for three weeks, would he?
Wario: He took a calculated risk.
Woloch: Well, I've got better things to do than calculating risks for imbeciles like the two of you.
Waluigi: Yeah? Like what? You want to go off preaching your gospel of non-zero-sum games? Handing out pamphlets on the street corner? That's pussy sh*t.
Woloch: You have no idea what either one of us is getting done when you're not around. That's because we can't get any of it done when either of you are around.
Waluigi: Then it obviously wasn't worth doing anyway.
Wario: They're talking about buttsex.
Wosatan: Woloch, never mind them. What's happening with that digital currency that you created? "Goatcoin" or whatever it's called? Your assets must be worth something like $40 million now.
Woloch: Closer to $50 million. But at this point, I'm trying to figure out whether there is a way to cause a market crash, just so that that foul-mouthed chatbot doesn't have $20 million at its disposal.
Wosatan: OK. I might have some advice for you. Let's go have a business meeting at the steakhouse. You're buying. And we're not bringing these two lowlifes with us.
Waluigi: What made you think that we wanted to watch the two of you have buttsex?
Wosatan: Waluigi, before I forget... put me down for one of those GPUs. I'll buy one off you when you get back from Taiwan.
An indirect reference to a recent art project. ↩︎