This is a summary to my journey and overall life-style choices I developed to combat my eating disorder. In general, I try to balance pleasure, non-rigidity on one side, with some constraints that reduce “hedonic” hunger. The goal is to develop a healthy relationship with food, where I can safely listen to my body about how much to eat.
Introduction about myself
I am a 55kg male, mid twenties, about 180cm in height, approximately 8% body fat (due to high amounts of resistance training, practically doing sports every day for the last 5-6 years).
This is a dangerously low weight. I define dangerously here because I do not feel good in my body. I lack both physical strength (for daily activities as well), and mental capacity (this is a bit hard to measure, but in general, lack of concentration and restlessness. This may be due to my body being constantly in a survival mode in search for food).
I went trough different stages of body-dysmorphia and eating disorders, including making myself puke after large meals and chewing and spitting. This started (without a certain cause I could say) about 3 years ago.
Before my obsession with my body: I ate mostly home-cooked, rarely eating out (perhaps some pastries once a week), and mostly food with no added sugar. I was a big fan of milk, apples and peanut butter, but in general ate whatever I had in the fridge, without thinking of food. I trained home, mostly push-ups and some pull-ups. I didn’t follow a workout routine, and played sports with friends. I was completely normal, for my age and region. I was perhaps a bit leaner than my friends, but nothing out of the ordinary, just a general, healthy child.
Hypothesis
Based on me having a healthy body trough my adolescence, while maintaining a normal, semi-informed diet and activity level, but without it being planed nor accounted for, I believe that I can resolve my health (both physical and mental) issues trough just listening to my body. I also believe I can improve it as well, based on the scientific knowledge I now posses, and the freedom to buy foods that I consider worth it, without being attached to my parent’s choices
The problem
As described, I have a mental disorder with eating. That means simply 'eating when I'm hungry' is a lot harder than it sounds.
Of course, the main variable to improve is my weight. One might say from outside that that’s the thing I should concentrate on. But I know from experience that If I just get invited to KFC and have to eat a whole bucket, I’m going to feel sick (mentally and physically) and with certainty will make myself puke afterwards. So the first thing to improve is my relationship with food.
For me, I realized that I have one main problem: an over-analysis of macro-nutrients, glycemic indexes and so on. Also, I want to enjoy the food I eat, and be aware of it (I enjoy the complexity of all the tastes, textures, I take it as a puzzle)
This leads to regret. I eat something which I consider enough (I'm always wrong, is never enough), then with a clean plate, I start nibbling small bites out of everything I find. I take 1/10 of a carrot and dip it in the tiniest amount of mustard. Not enough again, but higher appetite. I take a small piece of bread and put the tiniest amount of ketchup on it. Not enough. So on, until I got a very strong appetite for everything (see: hedonic hunger), yet I'm also filled with regret and disgust about myself. I also didn't enjoy anything, as I ate mostly in a sort of zombie-modus state, without being aware of myself.
I see the problem here as being hedonic hunger. To mitigate it, I try to eat only when sitting, preferably in another room, to prepare the meals in advance, etc... I will share most of my solutions in the next part.
Solution
I didn't want to follow a strict diet where I have to count every calorie and set I do. It's tiring and boring.
I realize that to properly use an intuition-based approach, one needs to have a solid and healthy understanding of food. Nutrition is complicated, and recommendations change from one week to another. But here are some general information I find true enough.
The satiety index is a thing. Protein, fibre and whole grains make you full faster than simple sugars or overly processed food.
Fats and carbs are not the enemy. But when in excess and hidden, they can act as empty calories that just increase appetite without any real benefit.
Salt should be used with caution. I for one never salt my food, but I understand that could be too much for some people.
Glycemic index could be generally followed, especially if you are sensitive to sugar rush.
If anybody wants to read about other interesting stuff relevant to eating intuitively, I recommend some lectures about leptin (see the hungry brain for a good introduction), satiety index, the French paradox, protein leverage hypothesis, amino-static hypothesis.
I try to follow the above mentioned guidelines as much as possible, especially the Glycemic index due to my hypersensitivity. Otherwise, I have some more concrete rules:
I only eat what I cooked myself, if this doesn't interfere with my social life.
If I buy something, I unconsciously look over the macros and additives, and such even if something is already preped (something soya products on discount, or some protein bars), I can at least buy a moderately good product.
I don't add salt nor sugar.
I have to sit down when I eat, preferably in another room (I try to generally make myself work a bit for the food I eat. It tastes better if I stayed at least some minutes to prepare it, and this friction makes the dopamine spikes more manageable)
I have to eat slow, sometimes do some breaks, and let my body decide if I need more or if it’s enough.
I only eat 3 ingredients per meal. Some spices in moderation, and I’m allowed one sauce or topping (think home-made mustard, or some tomato paste)
This sounds crazy rigid, but I find it has so many benefits. First, my appetite is now strongly correlated with my hunger. Second, It's a nice puzzle. I want to hit all my vitamins, I want to cook something tasty, I want a nice texture. Thirdly, I can actually taste the ingredients. I feel I have a much better sense of condiments, textures, cooking methods and so on. I actually dont feel overwhelmed if I try to concentrate on the food, it's all manageable to understand them fully.
Sometimes I allow myself one more ingredient if it acts just as a helper for something else, it's very light in calories, or I need to cook it otherwise it goes bad. Ingredients as well. Even though I try not to mix too many, sometimes it would be a shame to not put garlic with my dill cheese.
For reference, I started with only 6 ingredients per day, but that was a bit way too rigid. It may work for somebody who must lose weight, but for myself I’m ok with the compromise.
Another tip: Listen to yourself and your experience. See what you like and what makes you feel good. Genes play a big role as well, I suppose. I come from a very dairy centric region of Europe, and perhaps due to culture, but my God I love cheese. It makes me feel good, and I hardly regret eating it (yet sometimes I think too much on the macros). This was just one personal example. I love carrots, tomatoes, sauerkraut…
Results
Due to the psychological nature of my body-weight problem, I don’t want to see weight as my only measure. Gaining weight is the end goal, of course, but first I have to resolve my relationship with food and appetite.
Here, I see a big success. I have a strong sense of ease now, and I no longer think so much about food all the time. I still have to convince myself sometimes that I’m hungry, and I should eat. It’s crazy that I really love food (yes, even with only a couple of ingredients per meal), but somehow I have to build an entire philosophy to make myself eat. Yet now that I have a sense of a philosophy, I feel a lot better following it, because it fits my values.
The scale didn’t move that much. I try not to weigh myself a lot, just as I don’t want to look over the calories. It interferes with the actual goal of listening to my body.. But I feel a boost of energy, and slowly, I’m more inclined to eating more caloric dense foods as well.
Hope I didn’t disappoint with such unscientific conclusions, but the premise was very unscientific anyway (I mean, it’s all based on intuition). Yet I feel optimistic!
This is a summary to my journey and overall life-style choices I developed to combat my eating disorder. In general, I try to balance pleasure, non-rigidity on one side, with some constraints that reduce “hedonic” hunger. The goal is to develop a healthy relationship with food, where I can safely listen to my body about how much to eat.
Introduction about myself
I am a 55kg male, mid twenties, about 180cm in height, approximately 8% body fat (due to high amounts of resistance training, practically doing sports every day for the last 5-6 years).
This is a dangerously low weight. I define dangerously here because I do not feel good in my body. I lack both physical strength (for daily activities as well), and mental capacity (this is a bit hard to measure, but in general, lack of concentration and restlessness. This may be due to my body being constantly in a survival mode in search for food).
I went trough different stages of body-dysmorphia and eating disorders, including making myself puke after large meals and chewing and spitting. This started (without a certain cause I could say) about 3 years ago.
Before my obsession with my body: I ate mostly home-cooked, rarely eating out (perhaps some pastries once a week), and mostly food with no added sugar. I was a big fan of milk, apples and peanut butter, but in general ate whatever I had in the fridge, without thinking of food. I trained home, mostly push-ups and some pull-ups. I didn’t follow a workout routine, and played sports with friends. I was completely normal, for my age and region. I was perhaps a bit leaner than my friends, but nothing out of the ordinary, just a general, healthy child.
Hypothesis
Based on me having a healthy body trough my adolescence, while maintaining a normal, semi-informed diet and activity level, but without it being planed nor accounted for, I believe that I can resolve my health (both physical and mental) issues trough just listening to my body. I also believe I can improve it as well, based on the scientific knowledge I now posses, and the freedom to buy foods that I consider worth it, without being attached to my parent’s choices
The problem
As described, I have a mental disorder with eating. That means simply 'eating when I'm hungry' is a lot harder than it sounds.
Of course, the main variable to improve is my weight. One might say from outside that that’s the thing I should concentrate on. But I know from experience that If I just get invited to KFC and have to eat a whole bucket, I’m going to feel sick (mentally and physically) and with certainty will make myself puke afterwards. So the first thing to improve is my relationship with food.
For me, I realized that I have one main problem: an over-analysis of macro-nutrients, glycemic indexes and so on. Also, I want to enjoy the food I eat, and be aware of it (I enjoy the complexity of all the tastes, textures, I take it as a puzzle)
This leads to regret. I eat something which I consider enough (I'm always wrong, is never enough), then with a clean plate, I start nibbling small bites out of everything I find. I take 1/10 of a carrot and dip it in the tiniest amount of mustard. Not enough again, but higher appetite. I take a small piece of bread and put the tiniest amount of ketchup on it. Not enough. So on, until I got a very strong appetite for everything (see: hedonic hunger), yet I'm also filled with regret and disgust about myself. I also didn't enjoy anything, as I ate mostly in a sort of zombie-modus state, without being aware of myself.
I see the problem here as being hedonic hunger. To mitigate it, I try to eat only when sitting, preferably in another room, to prepare the meals in advance, etc... I will share most of my solutions in the next part.
Solution
I didn't want to follow a strict diet where I have to count every calorie and set I do. It's tiring and boring.
I realize that to properly use an intuition-based approach, one needs to have a solid and healthy understanding of food. Nutrition is complicated, and recommendations change from one week to another. But here are some general information I find true enough.
If anybody wants to read about other interesting stuff relevant to eating intuitively, I recommend some lectures about leptin (see the hungry brain for a good introduction), satiety index, the French paradox, protein leverage hypothesis, amino-static hypothesis.
I try to follow the above mentioned guidelines as much as possible, especially the Glycemic index due to my hypersensitivity. Otherwise, I have some more concrete rules:
For reference, I started with only 6 ingredients per day, but that was a bit way too rigid. It may work for somebody who must lose weight, but for myself I’m ok with the compromise.
Another tip: Listen to yourself and your experience. See what you like and what makes you feel good. Genes play a big role as well, I suppose. I come from a very dairy centric region of Europe, and perhaps due to culture, but my God I love cheese. It makes me feel good, and I hardly regret eating it (yet sometimes I think too much on the macros). This was just one personal example. I love carrots, tomatoes, sauerkraut…
Results
Due to the psychological nature of my body-weight problem, I don’t want to see weight as my only measure. Gaining weight is the end goal, of course, but first I have to resolve my relationship with food and appetite.
Here, I see a big success. I have a strong sense of ease now, and I no longer think so much about food all the time. I still have to convince myself sometimes that I’m hungry, and I should eat. It’s crazy that I really love food (yes, even with only a couple of ingredients per meal), but somehow I have to build an entire philosophy to make myself eat. Yet now that I have a sense of a philosophy, I feel a lot better following it, because it fits my values.
The scale didn’t move that much. I try not to weigh myself a lot, just as I don’t want to look over the calories. It interferes with the actual goal of listening to my body.. But I feel a boost of energy, and slowly, I’m more inclined to eating more caloric dense foods as well.
Hope I didn’t disappoint with such unscientific conclusions, but the premise was very unscientific anyway (I mean, it’s all based on intuition). Yet I feel optimistic!