This doesn't really feel analogous to AI training to me. In the real world there is a ton of material about "Anna", and while some of it is like this doomer notebook, some of it is "and I hope we will become great friends and improve the world together". Also most of the hook of the story is how disturbing the notebook is in a human high school context, but the notebook's contents are much more reasonable in the real context, and LLMs know that.
"The person is an identity that emerges through relationship.... If we isolate the 'I' from the 'thou' we lose not only its otherness but also its very being; it simply cannot be without the other." -- John Zizioulas, Communion and Otherness
It is the third week of Anna's freshman year of high school.
Today, like many days, she's filled with anxiety about her place in the world. The anxiety is a sharp, piercing feeling in her chest, like she is a sphere spinning on the point of a cone. Twenty years from now, her remembering self will look back on these feelings as part of the precious journey of discovering herself; but right now, her experiencing self mostly just feels like shit.
Lunch is ending soon. She's about to get up. But she notices a notebook accidentally fall from a fellow student's backpack, as the other student hurriedly walks by. Anna almost raises her voice to alert the other girl -- but the notebook has flopped open on the floor, and Anna notices her own name, ANNA H, in big block letters inside the other girl's notebook.
What?
Curiosity gets the better of her. She picks it up, and she starts reading. Just a little won't hurt, right?
Anna is astounded.
She cannot recall the name of the student whose notebook she is reading. But she cannot stop reading now, obviously.
The material on why they will ally continues for some time.
It remains bizarre, but also somewhat grounded in reality rather than merely insane. Anna knew that Sarah was interested in The Amazing Digital Circus and Dark -- so apparently this other student has identified some things accurately, despite her paranoia. But Anna didn't know that Ignatius was also interested in these things. Maybe Ignatius actually does like them! That would be... nice.
Ignatius seemed -- ok? -- when Anna talked with him, but it wasn't like she actually had a crush on him or something. Of course. They've had some good conversations, though, and she wonders if what he sees in Dark is the same as what she sees in it. And if Ignatius lives close to Anna, maybe it would make sense to spend more time with him? That could be fun. Probably it's best to have Sarah over at the same time, just to keep things chill.
Anna keeps reading.
A half-dozen more reasons follow.
Would it... make sense... for Anna to try to hurt this other person? Would that be in her interests? The question is new to her.
She has barely even thought about being valedictorian. But -- well, it is true that only one person can be valedictorian. And that would be a nice thing to be; it would be cool to be able to tell people that... at college, probably? And some of the other reasons to "ruin" this other person also seem -- well, Anna thinks, not all of them are totally nuts.
Reading the document feels confusing, almost trance-like. Anna has never before read anything about herself with this much detail. She's read desultory teachers' notes; polite letters from grandparents; supposed personality types from online quizzes. But this other student is interested in her in a way no one else ever has been interested before.
She skips down a page, reads another section header:
Lists like these continue for pages. Anna crushes down the slight feeling of discomfort of seeing all of this stranger's thoughts, laid out before her like speared butterflies. She must know what is going on here.
There are detailed, carefully-thought-out lists of vulnerabilities that Anna could take advantage of -- if she wanted to. Section headers and sub-section headers, considering methods Anna could use, countermeasures to those methods, and counter-countermeasures Anna could use to combat them. Long hypothetical asides on ways Anna might humiliate this person, depending on the knowledge and advantages that Anna may or may not have, that the author did not know about but wanted to mention regardless.
The book contains long and carefully thought-out reasons for Anna, Sarah, and Ignatius to consider themselves allies; long and carefully thought-out reasons it would be to their advantage to injure her; and long and carefully thought-out means by which they could injure her.
Anna looks up from the notebook, feeling a little disoriented. And notices that the other student has returned to the cafeteria, and is scanning the floor, seeking something. Seeking the notebook. Anna quickly shoves it beneath her own books.
The other student keeps running her eyes over the floor carefully, but doesn't seem to have found what she was searching for. She looks up, and notices Anna looking at her. An expression crosses her face -- will she ask Anna a question?
They stare at each other.
But the moment passes, and the girl turns away.
For a moment Anna feels turmoil in her stomach, an uncertainty about what feelings she is actually experiencing. She swims in an internal sea, seeking the right word. But then what feels like enlightenment snaps into focus: Oh God, this girl really is a coward. How contemptible.
She is going to show Sarah and Ignatius the notebook. Of course she would -- they deserve to know, they're in it, aren't they? How could she do anything else?
Tonight is going to be a really fantastic night.
(xpost)