Open thread for January 1-7, 2014

NancyLebovitz

Open thread for January 1-7, 2014 — LessWrong

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Question about a low-level social thing:

I've noticed that I have low priority in at mid-large group conversations. What I mean is that in situations where I'm one of two people talking, I'm (generally) the one who stops and the attention of the "audience" (people-who-aren't-speaking) is predominantly on the other person even before I stop speaking.

This used to cause me considerable distress, but no longer. I've accepted it as a fact of the social universe. But I'm still curious and would like to change it, if possible.

I suspect that this is something that varies by social group, and more strongly suspect that some behavior of mine is key.

I'm interested in (being pointed to) discussion of this type of thing, especially if it contains actionable advice.

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TsviBT13y30

If you start talking loudly, perhaps a little louder than you think you should be talking, attention will usually shift to you. If you say something relatively short and relatively interesting, you gain some credit, and then later people will be more likely to listen to you. This requires some timing - you have to start talking just as the previous speaker is finishing, or even a little before. Mistiming could make you look like (and be) a shouting idiot.

If two or more people use the same strategy (starting off loud), then you can use the opportunity to a... (read more)

5hyporational13y

You're really not giving enough specific information. There are countless reasons why that might happen so any advice you take here could lead to erratic behavior. In addition to what other people said, this sounds like you might be too verbose or bad at gauging which topics interest other people and to what extent. They might look at the other person because they wish them to interrupt you and move on.

3ChristianKl13y

There are a variety of plausible explanation. The first would be that it's just an issue of perception. There a plenty of people with low self esteem who hold inaccurate beliefs about how much attention other people pay to them. A second would be generally proxies for low testosterone. If you have a louder and deeper voice people are more likely to listen to you. There are also body language changes and various other things that are hard to fake.

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Open thread for January 1-7, 2014

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Open thread for January 1-7, 2014

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If it's worth saying, but not worth its own post (even in Discussion), then it goes here.

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