Open thread, Jan. 25 - Jan. 31, 2016

username2

If it's worth saying, but not worth its own post (even in Discussion), then it goes here.

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If it's worth saying, but not worth its own post (even in Discussion), then it goes here.

Notes for future OT posters:

1. Please add the 'open_thread' tag.

2. Check if there is an active Open Thread before posting a new one. (Immediately before; refresh the list-of-threads page before posting.)

3. Open Threads should be posted in Discussion, and not Main.

4. Open Threads should start on Monday, and end on Sunday.

Note to readers: I never said it was hypothetical.

And, the textbooks written about my personality type say I have a sensitivity to other people's issues.

And, I'm not starting from zero; over the years I've had office mates and others who acted in a similar way and so I know what works.

Strangely, some of these people may actually have wanted my approval or recognition. Very few get that, even those who are well-behaved. I think I know what causes this, but that info is classified - sorry.

They may have spotted ways that we two are similar. Of course, the idea that I am similar to these verbal bullies is repugnant to me but it's very likely accurate. In my whole life maybe a half dozen people fit this pattern.

Also, there are books on "Verbal Judo" but they are hard to come by from my local library. I scoop up what I can. As long as all I do is counterpunch, block-then-strike, I feel I have the moral high ground.

But, that aside, if this is a false positive for a mind/head/word game, what do you make of this exchange? Is the literal meaning the only thing going on?

In your whole life, have you ever met someone who "put one over on you", left you with the feeling that you've been "had" and you couldn't even verbalize how? If yes, in retrospect, what really went on? Did you act optimally? What would you change for future encounters of this type?

Thanks for reading. :)

Of course, lots of people have attacked me verbally. But they don't know me closely enough to really know how to insult me. So their worst attacks don't even need a reply: they're hopelessly misfired. I can let them yell as long as they want. The part of me they want to hurt is one they can never reach and will never see.

Even with that protection, in my experience it's emotionally exhausting to be constantly expecting attacks from every interaction. If you stop seeing an aggressive intent behind every comment, your life will be much less stressful. People are essentially good, and most of them are too busy going through their own day to bother ruining other people's.