The War is over. The Death Eaters and Voldemort gather at Malfoy-Manor. They discuss what to do now; somebody suggests starting a rock band, somebody - another War, and finally, somebody proposes the Dark Lord comes up with an idea.
So, he says:
How about, everybody comes up with the dumbest proposal they possibly could?
Dolohov says:
I already told you, start a band!
Snape says:
That's... Not that stupid. I'm sorry I called you a moron. This applies to the rest of you, too.
Bellatrix says:
I never say anything dumb, sorry.
Narcissa says:
Neither do I, Voldemort, or do you disagree?..
Voldemort says:
Of course not.
Lucius says:
What about me?
Narcissa says:
Of course not!
Lestranges say:
Haha, that's... Weird.
Wormtail says:
Not at all.
Nagini says:
Ssssssssstupid people, I'm out.
...
Later on, Narcissa brushes her hair.
I told you, Lucius, you'd be able to make Voldemort call you a lord...
The Mirror shines mysteriously.
Lucius replies:
Do you think he can hear us?
Let me check... He could if we were loud.
Ah, Narcissa, your brush is broken!
Ah... Pity... You'd buy me a new one, right?
Ahhhhhh....
You know... I want one that makes your hair stronger... It's custom-made. You'd need a white flower that only grows in the Forbidden Forest, and to apply... A bit of its nectar... Onto a white brush.
Lucius smiles.
I'm ordering it via the Patronus right now.
When will it arrive? I don't want to go to sleep with a messy hair!..
Lucius smiles.
Do you want to Apparate to the Forbidden Forest and go look for that flower?.. I could make so much money with it... But... Where does it grow?..
Narcissa whispers:
I'm not quite sure.
...
The next day:
Voldemort, slightly pale, drinks morning tea.
Narcissa:
Good morning, Tom. How did you sleep?
Voldemort:
Not at all. I was working on a problem.
Narcissa:
Successful?..
Voldemort:
I'm... Not sure.
Narcissa:
Alright. Was the problem, your... Nose?
Voldemort:
Let's say, yes.
Narcissa:
I've heard a tale... From my Mother... That if you want to grow back a body part, say, lost in a war, you need to drink alcohol which a friend recommended you. Do you want Rodolphus to recommend you something? Or Snape?..
Voldemort:
Snape.
Narcissa:
But he only drinks Muggle alcohol...
Voldemort:
It's because he thinks he's hopeless, but I've already made a Horcrux for him, he can experiment all he wants now...
Narcissa:
Do you have a Horcrux?
Voldemort:
I make Horcruxes with the Expecto Patronum spell each time there's an opportunity. You all have Horcruxes.
Narcissa:
I... Don't know what to say. Do you want me to recommend you a drink?
Voldemort:
Yes.
Narcissa:
Take water, and add a little bit of snake secretion in it. Take before sleep. Consult with Snape.
...
The next morning:
Voldemort:
Good morning. Do you think I look a little bit better?
Narcissa casts him a weird look.
You look... Well... As always.
Voldemort:
Thank you.
Narcissa:
So, do you know how Draco is?
Voldemort:
No, I'm afraid not.
Narcissa:
Now that the War is over, I'm thinking... Should I give birth again? Should Draco get married? Do you know if he is friends with Hermione Granger?
Voldemort:
They are friends.
Narcissa:
What about Astoria?
Voldemort:
They haven't talked much.
Narcissa:
Harry Potter?
Voldemort:
Yes.
Narcissa:
So... What happened there, when you tried to... Defeat each other?
Voldemort:
There's been a prophesy... That he was going to kill me. And I thought, if I was going to die, I might as well go fighting. I wasn't going to kill him until I was sure that was my only chance to do something... What my family would have wished.
Narcissa:
How nice. And what about Longbottoms?
Voldemort:
Well, I told Bella to check if the prophesy was about them, and when she told me it wasn't, she said she'd pretend to drive them crazy if I die, so that she could go to Azkaban and only remember what the enemies didn't want her to think about.
Narcissa:
And that was, you?...
Voldemort:
I don't know, but I hope her plans worked.
Narcissa:
Did you actually die?
Voldemort:
I lost my body. But... Apparently... There was a baby that brought me back?
Narcissa:
I think it was made out of your skin and tears?
Voldemort:
We've wasted so much time.
Narcissa:
But we've won the War. And now, we get to... Fix the mistakes of our past.
A Plan
The War is over. The Death Eaters and Voldemort gather at Malfoy-Manor. They discuss what to do now; somebody suggests starting a rock band, somebody - another War, and finally, somebody proposes the Dark Lord comes up with an idea.
So, he says:
How about, everybody comes up with the dumbest proposal they possibly could?
Dolohov says:
I already told you, start a band!
Snape says:
That's... Not that stupid. I'm sorry I called you a moron. This applies to the rest of you, too.
Bellatrix says:
I never say anything dumb, sorry.
Narcissa says:
Neither do I, Voldemort, or do you disagree?..
Voldemort says:
Of course not.
Lucius says:
What about me?
Narcissa says:
Of course not!
Lestranges say:
Haha, that's... Weird.
Wormtail says:
Not at all.
Nagini says:
Ssssssssstupid people, I'm out.
...
Later on, Narcissa brushes her hair.
I told you, Lucius, you'd be able to make Voldemort call you a lord...
The Mirror shines mysteriously.
Lucius replies:
Do you think he can hear us?
Let me check... He could if we were loud.
Ah, Narcissa, your brush is broken!
Ah... Pity... You'd buy me a new one, right?
Ahhhhhh....
You know... I want one that makes your hair stronger... It's custom-made. You'd need a white flower that only grows in the Forbidden Forest, and to apply... A bit of its nectar... Onto a white brush.
Lucius smiles.
I'm ordering it via the Patronus right now.
When will it arrive? I don't want to go to sleep with a messy hair!..
Lucius smiles.
Do you want to Apparate to the Forbidden Forest and go look for that flower?.. I could make so much money with it... But... Where does it grow?..
Narcissa whispers:
I'm not quite sure.
...
The next day:
Voldemort, slightly pale, drinks morning tea.
Narcissa:
Good morning, Tom. How did you sleep?
Voldemort:
Not at all. I was working on a problem.
Narcissa:
Successful?..
Voldemort:
I'm... Not sure.
Narcissa:
Alright. Was the problem, your... Nose?
Voldemort:
Let's say, yes.
Narcissa:
I've heard a tale... From my Mother... That if you want to grow back a body part, say, lost in a war, you need to drink alcohol which a friend recommended you. Do you want Rodolphus to recommend you something? Or Snape?..
Voldemort:
Snape.
Narcissa:
But he only drinks Muggle alcohol...
Voldemort:
It's because he thinks he's hopeless, but I've already made a Horcrux for him, he can experiment all he wants now...
Narcissa:
Do you have a Horcrux?
Voldemort:
I make Horcruxes with the Expecto Patronum spell each time there's an opportunity. You all have Horcruxes.
Narcissa:
I... Don't know what to say. Do you want me to recommend you a drink?
Voldemort:
Yes.
Narcissa:
Take water, and add a little bit of snake secretion in it. Take before sleep. Consult with Snape.
...
The next morning:
Voldemort:
Good morning. Do you think I look a little bit better?
Narcissa casts him a weird look.
You look... Well... As always.
Voldemort:
Thank you.
Narcissa:
So, do you know how Draco is?
Voldemort:
No, I'm afraid not.
Narcissa:
Now that the War is over, I'm thinking... Should I give birth again? Should Draco get married? Do you know if he is friends with Hermione Granger?
Voldemort:
They are friends.
Narcissa:
What about Astoria?
Voldemort:
They haven't talked much.
Narcissa:
Harry Potter?
Voldemort:
Yes.
Narcissa:
So... What happened there, when you tried to... Defeat each other?
Voldemort:
There's been a prophesy... That he was going to kill me. And I thought, if I was going to die, I might as well go fighting. I wasn't going to kill him until I was sure that was my only chance to do something... What my family would have wished.
Narcissa:
How nice. And what about Longbottoms?
Voldemort:
Well, I told Bella to check if the prophesy was about them, and when she told me it wasn't, she said she'd pretend to drive them crazy if I die, so that she could go to Azkaban and only remember what the enemies didn't want her to think about.
Narcissa:
And that was, you?...
Voldemort:
I don't know, but I hope her plans worked.
Narcissa:
Did you actually die?
Voldemort:
I lost my body. But... Apparently... There was a baby that brought me back?
Narcissa:
I think it was made out of your skin and tears?
Voldemort:
We've wasted so much time.
Narcissa:
But we've won the War. And now, we get to... Fix the mistakes of our past.
Voldemort:
So what do you suggest?
Narcissa:
Just ask Dolohov.