1. Bury it somewhere that won’t be randomly disturbed, and cannot be traced back to you (and make a map)
   1. An abandoned mine
   2. A patch of desert
   3. Inside a Glacier
   4. In an arbitrary grave
   5. In a dead body, buried in an arbitrary grave
   6. In someone’s garden, at least 6 feet down
   7. In the wall of an arbitrary root or wine cellar
   8. At the base of an old growth grape vine (since you know those aren’t going to get pulled up)
   9. Under the cobblestones of a newly paved street
   10. Given the time period, probably anywhere a little off the beaten path – 3 feet down, 6 feet away from a random road, and no-one would even know you were there.
2. Have a trusted institution guard it
   1. Deposit it in a safety deposit box at a reputable bank. Probably in Switzerland.
   2. Entrust it to a church
   3. Have it guarded as a national treasure
   4. Give it to a friend who, gives it to a friend, who gives it to another who’s been messing around.
   5. Put it in a gold bar first, to enhance the security
3. Tie it to a large piece of metal, lower it into a well on a magnent + very long string (to confirm that you can reach the bottom), pull it back up, and drop it in the well.
4. Conceal it in a piece of construction (again, map needed)
   1. Inside an arbitrary attic
   2. Or Basement
   3. Make a brick with it inside, and install that brick in a wall somewhere
   4. Climb up a church in progress, and slip it in among the stones
   5. Inside a water pipe
   6. In a fence post
   7. Inside one of 6 identical busts of Napoleon
   8. In a wall
5. Secretly Inter it with someone’s ashes in an urn
6. Cut a hole in a citrus tree, insert pen, graft on a new branch to cover the hole
7. Carve a hole in a rock, drop the pen in, place rock in an unassuming spot
8. Cover pen with something un-digestible and feed it to a long lived animal like a Tortoise
9. Slip it inside a family heirloom (not from your family)
10. Put it somewhere very public and secure, like the entry to a police station, but secured so it can’t be stolen without a lot of work (locks/boxes etc)
11. Put it inside a grandfather clock. Those don’t get disassembled, and are highly likely to remain in the same place for 50 years.
12. Glue in some out-of-the-way place in a semi-public boiler room. Somewhere that doesn’t get cleaned.
13. Stick it to the bottom of an ocean ship. It will get barnacled over before the ship comes back to port. Just keep an eye on it, and make sure you get to it before it gets scrapped
14. Create a duplicate, hide it badly, and let it be stolen. Just keep the real one in a safe at your house.
15. Keep the pen on you, and hide your own identity
    1. Go to some arbitrary colony and give them a fake name & change your appearance
    2. Live in the wilds of Canada
    3. Join the French Foreign Legion, or equivalent
    4. Murder someone and assume their identity
    5. Change your appearance in some dramatic way, like removing a leg
    6. Change your apparent gender
    7. Just go to a big city. No-one keeps track of every new resident, and there isn’t a photo of you for reference anyway.
16. Put it on something that’s always moving, like a piece of an automatic loom, so it can’t be removed
17. Give it to someone else to hide, with instructions that they should pass it on to someone you don’t know (have the map delivered back to you via delayed Western Union delivery)
18. Mail it to your fake identity in a foreign country, pick it up and re-mail it ad-infinium.
19. Carefully cut your leg open, and secrete it inside. Conceal scar with pants.
20. Glue it to the ceiling. No one ever looks up when searching.
21. In the spine of a random library book
22. Dissasemble the pen, hide the component pieces in reasonable places. Re-assemble in 50 years.
23. Replace one part of the pen with a new piece, but keep the old piece. Repeat until you have enough parts to create a second pen from the original parts. Repeat with both “original” pens. Each time one of your duplicates gets stolen, assemble a new “original” pen.
24. Don’t worry about it. There’s nothing special about Mr. Einstein or the pen. If not him with that pen, someone else or a different writing implement would be used at about that time in history to develop those theories.

 Break a vulnerable part of the room, primarily by carefully kicking it:

1. Window Pane
2. Window Frame
3. Window Lock (kick the window open)
4. Door Lock
5. Door panel
6. Door hinges
7. Break through a wall by:
   1. Kicking a hole, and pulling it apart
   2. Scratching a hole over time
   3. Prying up a floorboard / molding and using it as a hammer/axe
   4. Drooling on it (and clawing away the water-logged material)
   5. Chopping it with your phone
   6. Cut it with zipper from Pants
8. Start a Fire, using clothing fibers as tinder
   1. Sunlight and a lens from eyeglasses
   2. Rub two pieces of wood together (make a rope from pants for leverage)
   3. Overheat phone
   4. Disassemble phone and create short-circuit (look this up first)
   5. Metal on Metal to make sparks
9. Learn lockpicking from youtube
10. Pry up molding, use it to leverage open door or window.
11. Live normally until someone investigates room
12. Dig through the floor
13. Dig up the floor to reach the ceiling, break through the roof
14. Remove door hinges (using phone as a hammer & nails from construction as pitons)
15. Rattle door continuously until friction wears away the latch
16. Keep lock mechanism wet, until it rusts away
17. Unscrew the locks with your fingernails
18. Work out a bunch, then rip door from wall
19. Play a loud sound from phone to attract attention
20. Unlock the window from the inside and climb out
21. Wake up from your dream
22. Triangulate your location via GPS, and contact someone to come get you via:
    1. Make a youtube video
    2. Make a porn video
    3. Send an e-mail
    4. Make a phone call
    5. Send a text message
    6. Post on Facebook
    7. Post on Instagram etc.
    8. Upload a file to a shared Dropbox account
    9. Tweet
    10. Make a comment on their blog
    11. Make a death threat against the President
    12. Send a message in a shared mobile game
    13. Write a review on their product or mobile app
    14. Change your outgoing voicemail
    15. Join a Zoom call
    16. Activate “find my phone” feature, assuming you have a shared account with someone
    17. Order something from Amazon
    18. Contact your home Alexa
    19. Change the settings on your home smart thermostat to send a coded message
    20. Start a GoFundMe