hawkebia

You and your partner live in a cozy one-bedroom in the city. You enjoy being in the city bustle. It's got a quiet, sunny, plant-filled patio; and is close to all your favourite bars and restaurants. But you've just had a baby. Work is a 40 minute commute. You can afford the current rent, but it feels expensive for the size. And you're just not visiting those bars and restaurants as often. Maybe you should move to that large apartment outside the city, and closer to both your offices? So like good rationalists, you reason through the benefits, costs, degrees of certainty etc. and decide to move. A few months in, your partner says they may be having regrets. You aren't. You feel great about the decision. But you're a loving and supportive partner. You both review the decision making process again with an open mind; and your partner arrives at the same decision. Yes, moving made sense. You end up having to repeat this a few more times, till it all blows up in a big fight. How can they be so irrational?! How can one regret a decision, yet chose it over and over again? Either they have no clue what they want, or just aren't being honest while evaluating choices. Or, there is another explanation - that unlike money, the costs and benefits are not fungible. They represent mostly independant sets of desires, which can't be substituted for one another. Sure your partner values the convenience, space, affordability etc. more than the bustle and social life of the city. But the cost of losing those things didn't suddenly go to zero once the decision was made. Outside of pure monetary decision making, most choices pit at least some independant desires against one another. There is a case to be made that the negative reaction to a non-fungible cost, would be the same as if there were no offsetting benefit at all! And that should be considered completely expected and rational. This applies to everything from life decisions, to public policy, altruism and company values. eg