I once had kind of the opposite experience: I was at a friend's place, and we watched the recording of a System of a Down concert from a festival that we both had considered attending but didn't. I thought it was terrific and was quite disappointed not to have attended in person. He however got to the conclusion that the whole thing was so full of flaws that he was glad he hadn't wasted money on a ticket.
Just like you, I was baffled, and to be honest just kind of assumed he was just trying to signal his high standards or something but surely didn't actually mean that.
Given that he was quite the musician himself, playing multiple instruments, and I'm quite the opposite, I now for the first time seriously consider whether he really did dislike that concert as much as he said.
I appreciate your perspective, and I would agree there's something to it. I would at first vaguely claim that it depends a lot on the individual situation whether it's wise to be wary of people's insecurities and go out of one's way to not do any harm, or to challenge (or just ignore) these insecurities instead. One thing I've mentioned in the post is the situation of a community builder interacting with new people, e.g. during EA or lesswrong meetups. For such scenarios I would still defend the view that it's a good choice to be very careful not to throw people into uncomfortable situations. Not only because that's instrumentally suboptimal, but also because you're in a position of authority and have some responsibility not to e.g. push people to do something against their will.
However, when you're dealing with people you know well, or even with strangers but on eye level, then there's much more wiggle room, and you can definitely make the case that it's the better policy to not broadly avoid uncomfortable situations for others.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experience, and that first link indeed goes exactly in the direction I was thinking.
I think in hindsight I would adjust the tone of my post a bit away from "we're generally bad at thinking in 3D" and more towards "this is a particular skill that many people probably don't have as you can get through the vast majority of life without it", or something like that. I mostly find this distinction between "pseudo 3D" (as in us interacting mostly with surfaces that happen to be placed in a 3D environment, but very rarely, if ever, with actual volumes) and "real 3D" interesting, as it's probably rather easy to overlook.
I find your first point particularly interesting - I always thought that weights are quite hard to estimate and intuit. I mean of course it's quite doable to roughly assess whether one would be able to, say, carry an object or not. But when somebody shows me a random object and I'm supposed to guess the weight, I'm easily off by a factor of 2+, which is much different from e.g. distances (and rather in line with areas and volumes).
That github link yields a 404. Is it just an issue with the link itself, or did something change about the dataset being public?
Indeed! I think I remember having read that a while ago. A different phrasing I like to use is "Do you have a favorite movie?", because many people actually do and then are happy to share it, and if they don't, they naturally fall back on something like "No, but I recently watched X and it was great" or so.
Good point. I guess one could come up with examples that have less of this inefficiency but still are "computationally unkind". Although in the end, there's probably some correlation between these concepts anyway. So thanks for adding that. 👌
I would add 3) at the start of an event, everyone is asked to state their hopes and expectations about the event. While it's certainly useful to reflect on these things, I (embarassingly?) often in such situations don't even have any concrete hopes or expectations and am rather in "let's see what happens" mode. I still think it's fair to ask this question, as it can provide very benefitial feedback for the organizer, but they should at least be aware that a) this can be quite stressful for some participants, and b) many of the responses may be "made up" on the fly, rather than statements backed by a sufficient level of reflection. Of course just being honest there and saying "I don't have any expectations yet and just thought the title of the event sounded interesting" is probably the best option, but I think 10-years-ago-me would probably not have been confident enough to say that, and instead made up some vague plausible sounding claims that had a higher chance of signaling "I've got my shit together and definitely thought deeply about why I'm attending this event beforehand".
I think it's a fair point. To maybe clarify a bit though, while potentially strawmanning your point a bit, my intention with the post was not so much to claim "the solution to all social problems is that sufficiently-assertive people should understand the weaknesses of insufficiently-assertive people and make sure to behave in ways that don't cause them any discomfort", but rather I wanted to try to shed some light on situations that for a long time I found confusing and frustrating, without being fully aware of what caused that perceived friction. So I certainly agree that one solution to these situations can be to "tutor the insufficiently-assertive". But still, such people will always exist in this world, and if you're, say, a community builder who frequently interacts with new people, then it can still be valuable to be aware of these traps.
While much of this can surely happen to varying degrees, I think an important aspect in music is also recognition (listening to the same great song you know and like many times with some anticipation), as well as sharing your appreciation of certain songs with others. E.g. when hosting parties, I usually try to create a playlist where for each guest there are a few songs in there that they will recognize and be happy to hear, because it has some connection to both of us. Similarly, couples often have this meme of "this is our song!", which throws them back into nostalgic memories of how they first met.
None of this is to disagree with the post though. I mostly just wanted to point out that novelty and "personal fit" are just two important aspects in any person's music listening experience, and I think it's unlikely these two aspects will dominate the future of music that much.