Big Yellow Tractor (Filk)

by G Gordon Worley III1 min read18th Feb 20203 comments

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To the tune of "Big Yellow Taxi", with apologies to Joni Mitchell

we'll pave paradise and put up a parking lot
if that's what it takes to make all the wild suffering stop
the pain it only grows and grows
until we boil it up in our pot
we'll pave paradise and put up a parking lot

we'll take all the creatures and put 'em in a simulation
where there's no pain or death or starvation
oh! the pain it only grows and grows
until we boil it up in our pot
we'll pave paradise and put up a parking lot

hey all you people put away decision theory
i don't care about max utils if we can't end suffering, please!
the pain it only grows and grows
until we boil it up in our pot
we'll pave paradise and put up a parking lot

late last night I heard 'bout a brand new plan
a big yellow tractor's gonna clear away all the land
oh! the pain it only grows and grows
until we boil it up in our pot
we'll pave paradise and put up a parking lot

3 comments, sorted by Highlighting new comments since Today at 7:59 PM
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I'm unreasonably happy that "Big Yellow Tractor" makes way more sense as a title than Big Yellow Taxi.

(I feel some obligation to note that I don't endorse the ideas in the song, but do find it amusing)

Couple of notes on the song:

  • I wrote it with the Bob Dylan cover in my head more than the original.
  • It doesn't scan perfectly on purpose so that some of the syllables have to be "squished" to fit the time and make the song sound "sloppy" like the original and many covers of it do.
  • In case it's not obvious, it's meant to be a "ha ha only serious" anthem for negative utilitarians