Picture happiness as a sort of ghost that apparently is wandering in your neighborhood. From the moment you hear about someone seeing the ghost or a person that talked to that ghost or whatever, you’ll be scared of it; when the only thing scaring you really just is the fact that you heard about it.

This metaphor seems off. I think if you hear about people being happy ("seeing the ghost"), most people would respond with interest and intrigue (and perhaps jealousy) rather than fear.

So if you're seeking happiness, it doesn’t mean you’re doomed

I'm confused about how this follows from the previous ghost metaphor. Wasn't the metaphor trying to say that people are fearful of it as opposed to that they seek it?

because I tried to understand happiness

It'd be helpful to know approximately what sort of epistemic effort went into this and how confident you are as a result.

and came up with the 5 pillars of happiness

"Pillars" seems to me like it implies a high degree of confidence and finality. Such confidence and finality seems very unjustified to me.

I also think the post would benefit from utilizing headings. Probably one for each pillar. Plus an intro and conclusion, perhaps.

The most well-known and unfortunately the most ignored way of reaching happiness is by taking time for yourself and optimizing your health.

This was a little confusing because I was expecting "is by" to be followed by one thing instead of two.

It's also not clear whether you are saying this because you think it or because you got it from some sort of reputable source.

Whether that be taking time to improve your sleep (good sleep is essential for overall life satisfaction and increases your IQ as a bonus), eating healthier (Will make you happy about your body, give you more energy throughout the day, etc.), journaling (it helps to have your thoughts on paper to realize the insignificance of your problems), meditating (decreases anxiety, makes you more present in your everyday life, and even makes you nicer), practicing a sport or an art regularly, may that be piano or boxing (time took to do something you love never is wasted), going for walks (helps regulate glucose levels, opens you to the amazing environment of your neighborhood), being around nature (several studies found that a natural environment can have a positive impact on mental health and well-being, including reducing stress and improving mood) or even being bored (develops your creativity, problem-solving and lets the brain recharge.)

This section was difficult to read. It'd probably be better to use bullet points.

References to sources are also lacking.

A good thing to do is to list the things that bring you real joy, without rushing to write it, take time to collect them; may that be a specific sport or a board game, etc.

At first I was thinking the first pillar is about health, but now it seems that it also includes fun. I think this should be made more clear.

It's also confusing because it seems like, both here and in general, this post mixes things that you think are good ideas with things that reputable sources claim are good ideas based on high quality research.

And please don’t put stupid things like winning or making money.

I don't think either of those are necessarily stupid. I do think they are dangerous and commonly "misused" though.

Eating raw guinea pig organs

This is an example that sticks out and, I assume, is off-putting enough to a large majority of readers, that I think it'd be better to not include it, and if you are going to include it, to perhaps add a footnote explaining why you think it is worth including.

It’s Gratitude

There's no need to Title Case this.

You surely heard about gratitude before, but let me explain how it really works

This doesn't seem like a good description of how gratitude works.

Gratitude can be expressed and practiced in 5 ways:

This sounds to me like it implies that these are the only five ways.

A numbered list would probably be more appropriate than underlining each of the ways as a follow up.

(I'll stop here.)

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[-]Gabi QUENE2y-10

Thank you very much, dear master.

I couldn't imagine a such detailed description of every flaw my piece of writing has. I have two questions to ask you:

First: How do you take the time to comment to someone who just started on LessWrong, how do you manage to write nearly 800 words to give feedback to someone you don't know and to someone to tell him you didn't appreciate his work? I am sincerely and honestly in awe in front of what you are doing.

Second: I don't know when I'll publish my next post, (it'll be a bit shorter I think), but when I'll publish it, can you please be here to comment and give me things I can work on? Thank you very much; I really want to become better at this special art.

Thank you, master.

Hope you have an amazing day.

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[-]Adam Zerner2y50

Thank you very much, dear master.

You're very welcome.

(Note: Being referred to as "master" makes me feel uncomfortable and I'd expect it to make most people feel similarly uncomfortable.)

First: How do you take the time to comment to someone who just started on LessWrong, how do you manage to write nearly 800 words to give feedback to someone you don't know and to someone to tell him you didn't appreciate his work? I am sincerely and honestly in awe in front of what you are doing.

You seem well intentioned and eager to learn, so I wanted to help. It also ended up only taking 10-20 minutes or so, so not too bad.

Second: I don't know when I'll publish my next post, (it'll be a bit shorter I think), but when I'll publish it, can you please be here to comment and give me things I can work on? Thank you very much; I really want to become better at this special art.

I don't think your writing is ready for LessWrong. Instead, I'd recommend an online community like Scribophile that is more targeted at beginner-level writers.

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