The best way to learn how to write is to take classes. The best way to take classes is via a university degree. I earned my master's in blogging at the University of Pens.

Besides teaching you how to write, a university provides necessary credentials. You wouldn't be reading this post if I weren't for my degree in the subject. But the most important reason for taking classes in writing is what it teaches you not to do.

A blogger's most important responsibility is to never offend anyone. The most reliable way to avoid offending people is to hide your work from them. The perfect writer never publishes anything. Self-censorship is the best censorship because it is self-censorship quiet. Liberty thrives in secrets and silence. Freedom is founded on fear.

If unsure who to fear, look for a sense of humor because humor blurs the lines between "us" and "them". "We" are right; "they" are wrong. Blurring the lines between "us" and "them" equals blurring the lines between truth and falsehood. Cultivate anger and hatred instead because anger and hatred make clear the lines between "us" and "them".

Blogging is bad for your mental health. When you write things people will tell you you are wrong. They will sometimes be right which is bad for your self-esteem. If you want to maximize your self-worth then you must never allow it to collide with reality.

Another preemptive measure you can take against haters is getting lots of people on your side. Pick a moderate majority position backed by people who perceive themselves to be radical, oppressed and disenfranchised.

No matter how mainstream the position your endorse, there will always be people who oppose you. The solution is to never endorse a position. Criticize only. Poke holes in the arguments of writers foolish enough to stand for something. Like guerrillas, you should harass the enemy without ever holding intellectual territory of your own. Dialogue is a contest of attrition. Demoralize your critics.

If you must endorse a position then quote respectable people. If you're right then the position is your own. If you're wrong then position is the quotee's.


4 comments, sorted by Click to highlight new comments since: Today at 8:07 PM
New Comment

I enjoyed the contrarian advice post, and was able to appreciate the self-referential aspects in that it wasn't fully correct, but pointed to things that are important.  I'm afraid I don't have the same appreciation for this post - there's no tension between plausible and unlikely, it's all just ridiculous, without the tie to who would believe this literally, or the different circumstances or topics where it might actually be correct.

"But the most impotant reason for taking classes in writing is what it teaches you not to do." 

impotant -> important

Fixed. Thanks.

The irony is palpable.