Hi Dalton,

when reading this I am reminded feelings and needs from Non-violent communication. Reading someones cues, are more of a 'soft' approach versus getting clearly formulated directions, requests or answers. 

So in the same vein as you, I am reflecting here as well, and hope it might be useful in some ways.

I sometimes think of emotional/feminine expressions as similar to herbivores, and the more cognitive/masculine as similar to carnivores. The way I see it is as two different modes of being, thinking and operating, both with their own uses and with different feelings.

So lets take the example with the mustard. What do you want to feel, how do you want to be treated, and why do you want to treated that way? I am just adding some plausible answers here according to my idea: 
So you probably want to feel warmth and an inner softening, you want to be treated by being seen, cared for and with softness, and you want to be treated that way because you will feel good, but probably also because it drasticly reduces stress-levels and is directly beneficial to your health and well-being. Moreover, and this is important, you are giving the other person a direct opportunity to be kind, caring and nice to you, which if they are open to it, will make them feel many of the same good feelings as you, and contribute to a societal web of treating others kindly. Win-Win.

Lets say you are an asker. You are very clear you want mustard, and you do not get it. So you tell them you wanted it without mustard, and ask if they can make it again. Again, What do you want to feel, how do you want to be treated and why do you want to be treated that way? Here are some plausible answers, in the same vein as before:
You want to feel understood and respected, you want to be treated with understanding, respect and attention, and again it is for your own well being, but it is also giving the other person a direct opportunity to smoothen and improve their role in the societal web that makes this interaction possible, and feel self-worth and self-direction. Win-Win.


So over to the hypothetical boss situation. The 'herbivore' and the 'carnivore' have different needs. They aren't interchangeable, even though you might have more of them at the same time. So what needs do you have when asking for a raise? Is it to feel warmth and inner softening - and/or to feel understood and respected? 

Paradoxicly the guesser communication you are talking about probably is extremely efficient, and it might be at a very developed level - but it might also be very in-effective at meeting the needs you are trying to meet. You can want both understanding and care, but getting more care does not equal you getting understanding. Eating more crackers does not satiate thirst, neither can care replace understanding. 

If you want warmth and care from your boss, and your strategy to do that is by hinting you want a raise, it might work, but isn't wanting a raise more assosiated with self-assertion and self-direction than with warmth and care? Then I would also guess that even though you want a lot of warmth and care generally, in this case understanding, respect and acknowledgement is what is most important to you - and even though hinting is a necessary and useful strategy, it might not be very useful for the latter.

I modern society as far as I have seen, there is a lot of focus on Asking - but without warmth and care, from guessing, life really loses colour, and getting angry is the usual response when someone totally misses the signs you are sending out. 

If you are an asker, and you ask if they can redo it and they outright ignore you, even when you repeat yourself, anger is the usual response. It might not be the only one of course.

As a person born and bred to be masculine/carnivore ask-person, but was also reflective, understanding and sensitive, I believe I knew what being 'emotional' was. But actually learning about it is something wholly different. The 'feelings' I get in the carnivore world and the 'feelings' I get in the herbivore world are very, very different. Wanting both is new, and it is not easy. I am not writing this to say it is easy, I am writing this because I genuinely am starting to care for the herbivore side of life, it brings colour to my life in a way I didn't know I could have, and it is soft, stress-reducing and holds me. I do not want to unlearn it. 

So when I read your text I do not agree with the idea that anyone should go from being a guesser to an asker or vica versia - but it might be useful to understand that they meet different needs, and the one is not better than the other, just different. 
Hope I did tread carefully into this, even though I am afraid I made a little mess of things. I am not as developed or accepting of my guessing as you seems to be, and do not profess to be so either. Still I hope it could be useful, and I am glad you wrote this text here on LW nonetheless.