Sometimes I tell somebody about a problem in our relation. An answer I often hear is an honest "What do you want me to do". This is probably well-intentioned most of the time, but I really don't like this answer. I much prefer when the other person starts to use their cognitive resources to optimize the problem to smithereens. "What do you want me to do" is the lazy answer. It is the answer you give to be agreeable. It makes it seem like you don't care about the problem, or at least not enough for you to invest effort into fixing it.
Fair enough - those details matter in human relationships, and it's probably not possible to abstract/generalize enough for you to be comfortable posting while still getting useful feedback in this forum.
I do worry that a lot of LW readers' model of society and relationships is more symmetrical in goals and attitudes than is justified by experience and observation. Other-optimization (Trying to make someone more effective in satisfying your goals) is not pretty.
In this case, I mean that I’d be kind of shocked if most humans, even close friends or romantic partners, react to “here’s a problem I see in our relationship” with the openness and vigor you seem to expect.
In general, I mean there’s often a denial of the fact that most people are more selfish than we want to project.