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Warning: This post isn't optimized for your utility
You have been warned
Today I woke up feeling stressed, anxious and sad.
To relieve some of that stress: A relationship from my "dark" past has been haunting me sometimes. So I wrote this to them:
"Hi, I think I haven't conveyed this clearly enough:
fwiw, I'm sorry for
- Asking you to purchase a computer for me
- Asking you (for a loan) to pay for my programs
- Imposing my own strict schedule on you
- Making you endure all my mood swings and immaturity
- Ghosting you for months on end and suddenly just asking "wanna play tennis?"
I'm not sure what else I did to make you upset.
NTF is not all bad. It's just me, lol
Maybe it is too much to be asked for you to forgive (or forget) me someday, but if not ever then that's okay too.
At least don't send this creepy monster to assassinate me, s'il vous plaît lmao
fyi, I'm likely not going to check your reply (if you even leave one) in a long time, because i'm slightly afraid of the content"
This has been bothering me, because I wasn't sure what did I do wrong.. my best hypothesis is that when they explained their book-writing & topic interest, i told them i'm busy and will get back to it later. Only that the later was many months later. Maybe that was the last straw for them.
And now. Maybe I can fully let go.
I feel more relaxed. Though perhaps it was just the music i'm listening to.
Idk what the moral of this story is. Maybe that music rocks.
ntf is non-trivial fellowship
Umm, I try to publish something from time to time, as to encourage someone I care about to overcome a fear of judgment
Uhh maybe lesswrong isn't a good place to do that, even if they wanted to post here, since i'm not optimizing for utility or following the guidelines well, i'll move these to Substack in the future
Maybe when we are procrastinating, sometimes the best course of action is not applying all sorts of anti-procrastination techniques, but turning within and asking your parts "is the goal we're pursuing worthwhile?" or "does the way we're pursuing it make sense?" and listen, because sometimes we might be 'procrastinating' due to a part of us knowing the goal is not worthwhile or the plan is bad
FWIW, this was the basic take of CFAR and the milieu around CFAR at least as early as 2015, though there are additional operational details of how best to go about implementing this approach.