This is a letter to myself on how to not get any work done. A skill I have perfected over years of practice. And leveraged to its full potential for most of my life. You could say I'm a master at it.
How To Not Get Any Work Done(while simultaneously feeling like you're getting work done)
Dear future Harry,
In your old age, I don't want you to get too good at doing things you want to do. So, I have taken the liberty of jotting down some tips on how not to do things you want to do. Follow these and you won't need to worry about doing things you want to do ever again.
- This is the best tip I have for you. Your phone notifications need to be on. And you need to be in as many large active Whatsapp and Messenger conversations as possible.
- Keep your phone on your person. Better yet, put it within eyesight. Preferably next to your laptop or desktop.
- Consume snacks until you feel sick. Then keep snacking.
- Take a toilet break every 7 minutes.
- Think about your to-do list constantly and half-assedly complete items on it.
- Work on something you don't want to be working on.
- Don't track your time. So you can fool yourself into thinking you have worked for 10 minutes.
- Expect perfection the first time around. Don't allow any mistakes.
Tips On Your Work/Study Space
- Make sure it's as messy as possible. Deep work can't sneak in while there is a blockade of crap surrounding you.
- Make sure you can see the fridge or open cupboard.
- If you can, sit where you can see lots of people.
- Prowl around your work/study space looking for potential victims to have superficial conversations with.
Tips For When Your Working On A Computer
- Have as many apps open as possible. Turn their notifications on.
- Ensure your internet browser has a minimum of 10 tabs open. Preferably about future shopping purchases or YouTube videos — videos with productivity or focus tips are an excellent choice.
- Split-screen your computer allowing your favourite show to play in the background.
- Have a messy desktop background. Cover it with lots of shortcuts. And while you're at it, put your favourite video game shortcut in the middle.
- Play loud fast paced music with lyrics. Make sure to change the song every 2 minutes.
- When you can't decide on a song, spend 45 minutes reading articles about the best music to help you work.
There you are Harry. Follow these tips to not get anything you want to do done.
You're very welcome.