A new acausal trading platform: RobinShould

by Matthew Barnett1 min read1st Apr 20215 comments

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Acausal TradeFinancial InvestingHumorWorld Optimization
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After receiving overwhelming demand, we're excited to announce our new platform for conducting multiverse wide trades with other civilizations: RobinShould.

At RobinShould, we believe in democratizing acausal trading and making it freely available to all. Our simple interface allows you to purchase products from our wide selection of alien vendors. We have included an example trade below.

We currently only accept payment in paperclips and Ethereum, but we will soon be adding Bitcoin, Tether and tiny molecular smiley-faces as payment options.

How RobinShould works

We care a lot about ensuring that all of our customers feel satisfied knowing that their trades go through. Since the vendors on our platform have no causal connection to our universe, building RobinShould has proven quite tricky.

Fortunately, you can have confidence in our patented superintelligent prediction technology. Whenever you purchase a product through RobinShould, an amount of that product is manufactured in another universe by an alien civilization. The price for each product was determined by simulating evolution on other planets and modeling alien utility functions and decisionmaking.

In fact, our prediction technology is now so advanced that mesa-optimizers appear regularly in our prediction software. Apply to our data science team if you would like to help us clean these mesa-optimizers from our computer systems. (Seriously they're taking over our facility, please help.)

Disclaimer: In response to unprecedented volatility and clearinghouse requirements, we are temporarily restricting trades for GAME stock (Grabby Aliens Model Enterprises). Please note that this decision was made with the best intentions and your interests at heart. It was not at all an attempt to signal-boost Daniel Martin and Robin Hanson's website, or to protect our financial ally, Moloch.

5 comments, sorted by Highlighting new comments since Today at 5:40 AM
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Will it be able to infer my desired username and password from public data sources, or will I have to make an account?

For you, our patented superintelligent prediction algorithm anticipated that you would want an account, so we already created one for you. Unfortunately, it also predicted that you would make very bad investments in literal galaxy-brain hot takes. Therefore, we decided to terminate your account.

I asked Omega to model your model's model of what trades my brain would have executed if I had created an account.  It seems I owe you $2,440.22.  

Please send me your bank account number, routing number, ATM PIN, signature exemplar, and Social Security card so I can send you the funds.  For your records, my username would have been ButtsLOL42069.

Fun post for today. Thanks!

In fact, our prediction technology is now so advanced that mesa-optimizers appear regularly in our prediction software.

Haven't choked on my coffee in a while. Thanks.

Although--I assume this means your software predicted that I would choke on my coffee, which implies either that choking on my coffee is a net positive in utilons or that your mesa-optimizers are misaligned.  Have you tried praying to them?  It sometimes worked on the misaligned AGI described in the Old Testament.