Egg-based parody of HPMOR on r/HPMOR. I don't know why this exists. Spoilers, you have been warned.

How to describe it? It's some combination of the following two quotes.

“The observational study is taller than a dozen men! It reaches journalists so quickly that it can melt common sense in midthought! One mention of confounders will bring it down.”


“Professor, we’re surrounded by Dementors!” Harry gasped. “My buttered croissant disguise didn’t work! They’re going to capture us.”

Professor Quirrell smiled coldly. “Not if I use my egg powers.”

It's eggs-ellent.

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I enjoyed reading it on r/HPMOR but I confess I think it should have stayed there.

I guess I want more fiction (and art in general) on LW (probably in its own section, rather than interspersed with non-fiction posts on the frontpage).

For me this piece was really funny, like one of my favourite things this month, so it met my excellency bar, but I can appreciate if it didn’t do it for other people, and I should wait until there’s a particular section for it.

Edit: I realise I also frontpaged this, but it probably feels off-topic to a substantial portion of readers. Perhaps all the change I should make going forward is to just leave it on personal. I’ll move it back now.

  • on adding a fiction section. I think the sphere of very short rational fiction has not riped at all.

This links to If chapter 104 had been written by an idiot, which I hadn't seen before and also enjoyed. Choice quotes from that one:

“I love free food,” one of the Aurors said.

Instantly Harry realized.

Professor Quirrell was dying.

Organisms died when they could no longer sustain their life.

Organisms sustained life through energy.

Food provided energy.

High-sugar foods provided the most energy. That was why [lecture on evolutionary psychology] humans loved the taste of sugar even though [lecture on superstimuli].

Harry’s mind instantly made a connection.

Unicorn blood is jam.

How - why - no, run with the hypothesis


Label Professor Quirrell as the lip-twitcher.

Label synonyms for You-Know-Who as lip-twitching activators.

“Harry,” Professor Quirrell croaked. “Harry, listen…I have…cynical things to say…about…cough, other people…Harry, please….”

“Let me think. Let me think for one minute before I find a way to transfigure infinite jam.”

It is a thing of beauty. Thank you for reminding me to re-read it.