Failure modes in important relationships

• Being quick and curt when they want to connect and share positive emotions
• Meeting negative emotions with blithe positive emotions (ie. pretending like they're not angry, anxious, etc)
• Mirroring negative emotions: meeting anxiety with anxiety, anger with anger
• Being uncompromising, overly "logical"/assertive to get your way in the moment
• Not trying to express what you want, even to yourself
• Compromising/giving in, hoping next time will be "your turn"

Practice this:

• Focusing to identify your own elusive feelings
• Empathy to identify and express the other person's needs, feelings, information. Look for a "that's right." You're not rushing to win, nor rushing to receive empathy. The more they reveal, the better it is for you (and for them, because now you can help find a high-value trade rather than a poor compromise).