Could you expand on the 'chilling' bit? I thought it was touching, had a thumpingly ignorant bit about bisexuality, and did a reasonably good job of picking apart the feedback loop inherent in being able to choose what makes you happy.
a sci-fi novel where the participants are playing a game where points are awarded for "traditional" early 20th century behavior [...] Unfortunately I can't remember the author or name
You may be thinking of Glasshouse by Charles Stross.
Cartoon: http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2286 evokes the horror you should feel imagining your values being modified arbitrarily, although in the comic there's slippery-slope consent at each step.
This reminds me of a sci-fi novel where the participants are playing a game where points are awarded for "traditional" early 20th century behavior (the original records are lost, and some virus has infected the teleportation gates). Unfortunately I can't remember the author or name; it was pretty decent. Anyone recall it?