tlevin's Shortform

tlevin

This is a special post for quick takes by tlevin. Only they can create top-level comments. Comments here also appear on the Quick Takes page and All Posts page.

I'm confident enough in this take to write it as a PSA: playing music at medium-size-or-larger gatherings is a Chesterton's Fence situation.

It serves the very important function of reducing average conversation size: the louder the music, the more groups naturally split into smaller groups, as people on the far end develop a (usually unconscious) common knowledge that it's too much effort to keep participating in the big one and they can start a new conversation without being unduly disruptive.

If you've ever been at a party with no music where people gravitate towards a single (or handful of) group of 8+ people, you've experienced the failure mode that this solves: usually these conversations are then actually conversations of 2-3 people with 5-6 observers, which is usually unpleasant for the observers and does not facilitate close interactions that easily lead to getting to know people.

By making it hard to have bigger conversations, the music naturally produces smaller ones; you can modulate the volume to have the desired effect on a typical discussion size. Quiet music (e.g. at many dinner parties) makes it hard to have conversations bigger than ~4-5, which is already a big improvement. Medium-volume music (think many bars) facilitates easy conversations of 2-3. The extreme end of this is dance clubs, where very loud music (not coincidentally!) makes it impossible to maintain conversations bigger than 2.

I suspect that high-decoupler hosts are just not in the habit of thinking "it's a party, therefore I should put music on," or even actively think "music makes it harder to talk and hear each other, and after all isn't that the point of a party?" But it's a very well-established cultural practice to play music at large gatherings, so, per Chesterton's Fence, you need to understand what function it plays. The function it plays is to stop the party-destroying phenomenon of big group conversations.

1Sinclair Chen2y

this is an incredible insight! from this I think we can design better nightclublike social spaces for people who don't like loud sounds (such as people in this community with signal processing issues due to autism). One idea I have is to do it in the digital. like, VR chat silent nightclub where the sound falloff is super high. (perhaps this exists?) Or a 2D top down equivalent. I will note that Gather Town is backwards - the sound radius is so large that there is still lots of lemurs, but at the same time you can't read people's body language from across the room - and instead there needs to be an emotive radius from webcam / face-tracking needs to be larger than the sound radius. Or you can have a trad UI with "rooms" of very small size that you have to join to talk. tricky to get that kind of app right though since irl there's a fluid boundary between in and out of a convo and a binary demarcation would be subtly unpleasant. Another idea is to find alternative ways to sound isolate in meatspace. Other people have talked about architectural approaches like in Lighthaven. Or imagine a party where everyone had to wear earplugs. sound falls off with the square of distance and you can calculate out how many decibles you need to deafen everyone by to get the group sizes you want. Or a party with a rule that you have to plug your ears when you aren't actively in a conversation. Or you could lay out some hula hoops with space between them and the rule is you can only talk within the hula hoop with other people in it, and you can't listen in on someone else's hula hoop convo. have to plug your ears as you walk around. Better get real comfortable with your friends! Maybe secretly you can move the hoops around to combine into bigger groups if you are really motivated. Or with way more effort, you could similarly do a bed fort building competition. These are very cheap experiments!

I just ran a party where everyone was required to wear earplugs. I think this did effectively cap the max size of groups at 5 people, past which people tend to split into mini conversations. People say the initial silence feels a bit odd though. I'm definitely going to try this more

3Sinclair Chen2y

I think a restaurant where you paid for time, if the food was nothing special, would quickly turn into a coworking space. Maybe it would be more open-office and more amenable to creative, conversational, interpersonal work rather than laptop work. You probably want it to be a cafe - or at least look like a cafe from the outside in signage / branding; you may want architectural sound dampening like a denny's booth. You could sell pre-packaged food and sodas - it isn't what they're here for. Or you could even sell or rent activities like coloring books, simple social tabletop games, small toys, lockpicking practice locks, tiny marshmallow candle smore sets, and so on.