In what many are calling "a victory for the natural order," the final remaining vials of the controversial CHRONO-X anti-aging treatment were ceremoniously destroyed yesterday at Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston.

"Today marks humanity's return to wisdom," declared Giorgos Hickel, spokesperson for the Foundation Against Increasing Lifespan (FAIL). "Death isn't just natural - it's necessary. The prospect of immortality was never a gift but a curse disguised as progress. We've finally chosen meaningful brevity over longer, purposeless existence."

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Originally posted on April 1st.