"weak benevolence isn't fake": https://roamresearch.com/#/app/srcpublic/page/ic5Xitb70

• there's a class of statements that go like:
  • "fair-weather friends" who are only nice to you when it's easy for them, are not true friends at all
  • if you don't have the courage/determination to do the right thing when it's difficult, you never cared about doing the right thing at all
  • if you sometimes engage in motivated cognition or are sometimes intellectually lazy/sloppy, then you don't really care about truth at all
  • if you "mean well" but don't put in the work to ensure that you're actually making a positive difference, then your supposed "well-meaning" intentions were fake all along
• I can see why people have these views.
  • if you actually need help when you're in trouble, then "fair-weather friends" are no use to you
  • if you're relying on someone to accomplish something, it's not enough for them to "mean well", they have to deliver effectively, and they have to do so consistently. otherwise you can't count on them.
  • if you are in an environment where people constantly declare good intentions or "well-meaning" attitudes, but most of these people are not people you can count on, you will find yourself caring a lot about how to filter out the "posers" and "virtue signalers" and find out who's true-blue, high-integrity, and reliable.
• but I think it's literally false and sometimes harmful to treat "weak"/unreliable good intentions as absolutely worthless.
  • not all failures are failures to care enough/try hard enough/be brave enough/etc.
    • sometimes people legitimately lack needed skills, knowledge, or resources!
    • "either I can count on you to successfully achieve the desired outcome, or you never really cared at all" is a long way from true.
    • even the more reasonable, "either you take what I consider to be due/appropriate measures to make sure you deliver, or you never really cared at all" isn't always true either!
      • some people don't know how to do what you consider to be due/appropriate measures
      • some people care some, but not enough to do everything you consider necessary
      • sometimes you have your own biases about what's important, and you really want to see people demonstrate a certain form of "showing they care" otherwise you'll consider them negligent, but that's not actually the most effective way to increase their success rate
  • almost everyone has a finite amount of effort they're willing to put into things, and a finite amount of cost they're willing to pay. that doesn't mean you need to dismiss the help they are willing and able to provide.
    • as an extreme example, do you dismiss everybody as "insufficiently committed" if they're not willing to die for the cause? or do you accept graciously if all they do is donate $50?
    • "they only help if it's fun/trendy/easy/etc" -- ok, that can be disappointing, but is it possible you should just make it fun/trendy/easy/etc? or just keep their name on file in case a situation ever comes up where it is fun/trendy/easy and they'll be helpful then?
  • it's harmful to apply this attitude to yourself, saying "oh I failed at this, or I didn't put enough effort in to ensure a good outcome, so I must literally not care about ideals/ethics/truth/other people."
    • like...you do care any amount. you did, in fact, mean well.
      • you may have lacked skill;
      • you may have not been putting in enough effort;
      • or maybe you care somewhat but not as much as you care about something else
      • but it's probably not accurate or healthy to take a maximally-cynical view of yourself where you have no "noble" motives at all, just because you also have "ignoble" motives (like laziness, cowardice, vanity, hedonism, spite, etc).
        • if you have a flicker of a "good intention" to help people, make the world a better place, accomplish something cool, etc, you want to nurture it, not stomp it out as "probably fake".
        • your "good intentions" are real and genuinely good, even if you haven't always followed through on them, even if you haven't always succeeded in pursuing them.
        • you don't deserve "credit" for good intentions equal to the "credit" for actually doing a good thing, but you do deserve any credit at all.
        • basic behavioral "shaping" -- to get from zero to a complex behavior, you have to reward very incremental simple steps in the right direction.
          • e.g. if you wish you were "nicer to people", you may have to pat yourself on the back for doing any small acts of kindness, even really "easy" and "trivial" ones, and notice & make part of your self-concept any inclinations you have to be warm or helpful.
          • "I mean well and I'm trying" has to become a sentence you can say with a straight face. and your good intentions will outpace your skills so you have to give yourself some credit for them.
  • it may be net-harmful to create a social environment where people believe their "good intentions" will be met with intense suspicion.
    • it's legitimately hard to prove that you have done a good thing, particularly if what you're doing is ambitious and long-term.
    • if people have the experience of meaning well and trying to do good but constantly being suspected of insincerity (or nefarious motives), this can actually shift their self-concept from "would-be hero" to "self-identified villain"
      • which is bad, generally
        • at best, identifying as a villain doesn't make you actually do anything unethical, but it makes you less effective, because you preemptively "brace" for hostility from others instead of confidently attracting allies
        • at worst, it makes you lean into legitimately villainous behavior
    • OTOH, skepticism is valuable, including skepticism of people's motives.
    • but it can be undesirable when someone is placed in a "no-win situation", where from their perspective "no matter what I do, nobody will believe that I mean well, or give me any credit for my good intentions."
    • if you appreciate people for their good intentions, sometimes that can be a means to encourage them to do more. it's not a guarantee, but it can be a starting point for building rapport and starting to persuade. people often want to live up to your good opinion of them.