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5,000 calories of peanut butter every week for 3 years straight

by Declan Molony
31st Jan 2025
2 min read
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5,000 calories of peanut butter every week for 3 years straight
3nim
5gwern
1Declan Molony
3Declan Molony
2Archimedes
2Vale
2Alexander de Vries
1Declan Molony
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[-]nim8mo30

have you ruled out the powdered peanut butter options? They tend to come in at under half the calories of regular PB, while getting pretty close in replicating the flavor and texture. Assuming you're serious about the psychological impact of removing all peanut butter products from your diet, at least.

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[-]gwern8mo51

One benefit of his 'no-nut January' is that by cutting out peanuts entirely, he's also avoiding problems from oxalates. I would expect powdered peanut butter to be as dangerous in that regard.

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[-]Declan Molony8mo10

I'm not sure how I feel about seed oils generally, but I know they're higher in Omega-6 fatty acids. From the NIH: 

Omega-3s are utilized by the body to resolve and lower inflammation, whereas omega-6 polyunsaturated fatty acids are primarily used for increasing inflammation. Thus, the rise in the omega-6/3 ratio over the past 100 years may be driving chronic low-grade inflammatory conditions including autoimmune diseases, allergies and asthma.

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[-]Declan Molony8mo30

I have considered the powdered option, but given my inflammation, it's possible I have a minor allergy. I'm going to take a break for a while.

 

Assuming you're serious about the psychological impact of removing all peanut butter products

^Nope, I'm exaggerating. I gave this post a "humor" tag and wrote it to laugh at myself.

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[-]Archimedes8mo20

I've tried PB2 and it was gross enough that I wondered if it had gone bad. It turns out that's just how it tastes. I'm jealous of people for whom it approximates actual peanut butter.

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[-]Vale8mo20

Speaking as a fellow Declan, I'm wondering if an unhealthy love for peanut butter is a "Declan-thing"...

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[-]Alexander de Vries8mo20

Out of interest: what brand of peanut butter did you eat?

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[-]Declan Molony8mo10

Costco's brand:
Kirkland Signature Organic Creamy Peanut Butter USA Valencia Peanuts, 28 Ounces

It's only two ingredients: peanuts and salt.

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decided to lose weight. should be easy considering I haven't changed my diet in years and eat the same thing everyday.

breakfast: quarter cup each of black beans, kidney beans, and garbanzo beans; quarter cup of walnuts; 4 scrambled eggs with salsa on top

snack: sliced apple with peanut butter

lunch: quarter cup each of black beans, kidney beans, and garbanzo beans; quarter cup of walnuts; sautéed ground turkey spiced with onion powder & smoked paprika; 5 sliced cherry tomatoes; half an avocado; mushrooms; sliced bell peppers; turmeric; a variety of vegetables (onion, zucchini, broccoli, asparagus, butternut squash, spinach)

dinner: quarter cup each of black beans, kidney beans, and garbanzo beans; quarter cup of walnuts; baked chicken breast spiced with lemon pepper (eaten with peanut butter on the side); mushrooms; sliced bell peppers; a variety of vegetables

thought to myself, "I eat pretty cleanly, so not sure where I'm going to cut calories." remembered that peanut butter is calorically dense and I eat one jar per week. looked at the jar's nutrition facts—the whole thing is 5,000 calories. oops. 

Pepe the King Prawn | Know Your Meme

realized I've been eating a third of my calories in peanut butter. that's a pint of ice cream's worth of fat every week. been doing it at least three years. have eaten so much peanut butter it even infected my writing metaphors. what I thought was a light snack of apples and peanut butter, when measured out, was actually the caloric equivalent of a Big Mac and fries.

 

stopped eating peanut butter. severe psychological withdrawal symptoms from its nut-buttery goodness ensued. used relationship-breakup advice from WebMD to cope. but was powerless to stop the peanut butter dreams (nightmares?) from happening while sleeping.

 

the last couple years I've had inflammation & acne on my back. dermatologists couldn't figure out what was wrong. they asked what I typically eat. I told them—but the quantities of certain foods were never discussed.

did my version of dry-January (ie: no peanut butter). deprived of calories, my body got angry. subdued my hunger with potatoes (embraced my Irish roots by eating roots).

 

these are the results after a month:

  • lost 2 lbs
  • back cleared up (see before/after pics below)

 

after depriving myself of one of life's greatest joys (peanut butter), I now understand:
pain is the price we pay for beauty...