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Content Notice: Mild to Moderate NSFW language, Defective Altruism, Infoblessings

A lot of progress has been made here at CFAP in the past two years.

After posting on the SL5 newsgroup, a shadowy cryptobillionaire reached out. They not just met but drastically exceeded our funding goal. We are in the process of minting a commemorative impact certificate NFT to thank them for the monumental longterm value this will undoubtedly bring to the world.

Unfortunately, after reading a professional investing subreddit, we currently have much of our funds tied up in a superrational coordination experiment that is going very well. Therefore, we will need additional money if we're to reach our stretch goal of purchasing a yacht to live out of. We need the money in order to party all of the time on a huge boat, and you need to feel a sense of meaning in your life.

As evidence of our fiduciary effectiveness, here is a list of some of the most exciting projects we have initiated.

  • A large shift in our research direction took place. We noticed we were hitting diminishing marginal returns perfecting the art of mental masturbation. Many of our facilitators started branching out into areas of embodiment and emotion. This has led to developing a new and innovative practice in the art of embodied relationality, called Circle Jerking.
  • After a whole bunch of Circle Jerking, some teachers left to start a new monastery called WOOD (Wisdom, Onanism, Originality, and Disestablishmentarianism). Their theory of change is that the problems of the world are due to humans thinking, and therefore they will medibate in order to stop thinking. Here at CFAP, we support any and all efforts to not think.
  • We were surprised to learn that the General Sementics movement had covered so much previous intellectual ground. We bought a copy of Science and Sanitation and are in the process of reading it whenever we're going #2. We had to tear many of the pages out for toilet paper in March 2020, sadly. Not sure why but there was a shortage.
  • Getting swole. While practicing Original Seeing, we noticed many attendees are pretty scrawny and low-T. We conducted an extensive survey to ask them if they even lifted, and were shocked to learn how many didn't.  So we started buying gym memberships en masse to turn code monkeys into brogrammers. We've partnered with KillMinder, a productivity program in alpha, to install irremovable bracelets on half of enrollees, which will discharge a lethal dose of electricity in the event of failing to show up at the gym one too many times (or unanticipated technical errors). Results on attendance rate are encouraging! 💪
  • We've strategically purchased a headquarters in Las Vegas, Nevada.  We're excited for the opportunity to lead participants through Aura Zone Expansion exercises in this environment, as well as lessons in applied postrational economics. It is particularly easy to purchase souls in Sin City; asking people on the street to buy their soul is a research-backed social skills exercise that is particularly highly-rated by students as an experience that boosted their social confidence. Training in the skill of gambling while under the influence of psychedelics will also help participants mystically transcend the Kelly Criterion, and see that they and the House have all won.
  • In partnership with TERRITORIES, and pending the approval of the Fiasco and Delay Administration, we are going to start giving people to jungle-grown plants and see whether it leads to increases in creativity, openness, mood, intelligence, and prosociality in the plants. We're especially interested in promising research showing the outsized effects of human consumption on the reduction of trauma in herbs. 🥀
  • We've made a grant to Rubbin Handsome to probe deeper into the subject matter of aliens. We think aliens are one of the most important questions we don't have a good answer for, and it may force us to form new epistemology to explain it. To be honest, I don't even know what epistemology is, nor can I explain why the word "epistemology" shows up in random locations without explanation. 🛸
  • We've started a dominant assurance contract to ban mathematics everywhere. It will only go into effect when the number of signers reaches [censored]. If it fails by the year [censored], you will get $[censored] for signing.
  • 17000 copies of Meltdown were distributed to gifted primary school children. We also hosted a student drawing contest for depictions of Jeff's Friendly Snek. 🐍
  • Our research into Prophecy will bear fruit.

There's a lot more that happened in our workshops and throughout the broader postrationality movement that I couldn't describe. Share your experiences below!


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1 comment, sorted by Click to highlight new comments since: Today at 11:23 AM

We have exercised our innovative technique of meta-honesty to successfully dupe some computer programmers into thinking we want their participation.